Abused For So Long

When I was 5 I had a cousin who was a year older and I think he was sexually abused because he did things to me. He would have us both ***** down to our underwear and jump on the bed to begin with. Later he started talking his thing out and peeing on me. When I was 7 and him only 8 he raped me and my sister and brother held me down who were 12 and 10. I had a younger sister who was 6 and after he was done with me he looked at me sister and told her it was her turn. I felt betryed by my sister and brother and scared for me sister. He never touched her because his mom came home before he could. My mom and dad divorced shortly after that happened and we moved away. My older sister started beating me everyday and my mom ignored it. I lied about every bruise cut or anything to the school. My mom and older sister had many boyfriends through the years, they all molested me, I just keep thinking thank God they didn't rape me. I finally told my moms friend and my mom got so mad at me and from then on I kept everything inside. When I turned 12 my brothers friend raped me, I never told. When I turned 15 my sister was beating me so bad I finally hit back and she never did it again, I wasn't a little girl that she could beat anymore. I started seeing a guy he seamed so nice and different. For six months he treated me good but he asked for sex after that six months and I said no. He beat me and raped me, that was the last time I said no. For 5 years he beat and raped me and my mother ignored it. He tried to run me over with his car once when I tried to run, he cut my stomach open and I did nothing for myself. I didn't have a voice anymore. Than I met my first husband for the first 9 months he was good to me we got married and I thought peace at last. I was wrong he called me a stupid ***** atleast once every hour and hit me atleast once a day. He started cheating on me every chance he got and starved me and didn't allow me to have a job, friends, but I did get to have a baby. While I was pregnant I found out the he had given me an uncurable STD, I was so imbarassed! Never did me paps show up with that. I felt so alone I started cutting myself. One day he ended up having to have surgery and ended up in a coma. I left him so fast divorced him and everything while he was like that. Than I had to get a job and take care of the two children I had with him. Little did I know all the abuse caused me to have PTSD and disassociation. I didn't know how to deal with adults, I didn't trust them. I got fired from my first job and I didn't know why. I met my second husband and married him. He was good the first year he got me help and I felt better, good enough to work. I have a job that I love now, but my husband is starting to call me the names that my first husband did, he doesn't hit me, but I feel scared.
fosterkitten fosterkitten
Jul 9, 2010