I Don't Matter

Today I realised I'm visable when someone shoved past me... But I don't matter to anyone. No-one know's I'm here unless they need something and as I've grown older I have lost my friends. I considered my personality; maybe I'm boring because I prefer reading a book than going clubbing or maybe I'm too intense for normal people because I'm so opinionated on subjects they don't even think about. I enjoy my own company but sometimes I just need to hear someone elses thoughts and opinions. Just to bond and have someone to talk to becomes essential... People say if you keep coming up against the same problems then look at yourself but  I'm tired of looking within because nothing surfaces, I am who I am but no one appreciates that... I refuse to change into a superficial airhead so I guess I'll stick to being me. The girl who doesn't matter to anyone.
Amaya8 Amaya8
22-25, F
26 Responses Aug 11, 2010

First wow you are great second forget them be who you really are you don't have to change for someone and trust me there are people out there that are like you to I love to read and I rather stay home then go to a party that is just me and that is just you just focous on your dreams and make it come true and by the way I think you are a intelligent girl not an invisible girl.😃

Your probably more advance then those who ignore you. And their jelious. People can be envious of others.

I would like to be your friend

You hit it on the head on how I feel. I refuse to change me because I am alright with me. I am learning that people seems to love fake stuff instead of someone who is genuine. So I may have to be a little lonely now until I find people who can truly love me for me.

You are not alone here, we care. Most of us [on this forum] know what it is like to walk through the world feeling as if we matter to no one. Luckily, we matter to each other. I am social enough to avoid total isolation. I have very few friends which REALLY means my life has a low drama ratio! I am 46 yrs old and the biggest challenge I have ever faced, on a person level, was grasping that my worth has NOTHING to do with what others think of me. I don't need high approval ratings to feel comfortable in my own skin. We are beautiful, important, kind, and worthy people!

I know how you feel to the letter. No one cares that we exist outside the people forced by family bond to care, no one comes to us without provocation, we care about things other call childish or unimportant, and we are the ones watching from the shadows, wishing we could join the others in the light, yet the "light" is foul or painful to us.<br />
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Sorry, I get a bit poetic when I'm depressed.

You do matter, id rather be friendless then surrounded by a bunch of idiots that dont know the real me. And id MUCh rather read a book then go clubbing any day!! Whats at teh club?? a bunch of lonely people grinding all over each other hoping maybe to get a night of attention. THOSE are the people who are sad, its people like who that stay true to themselves that are the real people. All those girls you see hanging out with eachother are usually fake, theyll talk crap about each other behind their backs whenever they get the chance. The grass may seem greener on the other side but trust me its not, all those people out there 'clubbin' are just as miserable as us they just arent bold enough to admit it and mask it with sex and alcohol. You stay true to yourself!!!

I know exactly how you feel. I often feel lonely, but then I try to realise that in actual fact I enjoy my own company. I'd rather be on my own doing something I enjoy than having the stress of trying to fit into to other people's versions of normal. In fact I often take strength in the thought that I dont have to be arround others, I have my own closeness to myself in a way, which getting closer to other people would destroy. So maybe just try to enjoy yourself rather than care about other people's lives, and see where it takes you.

youve probably (obviously) heard this on here before, but i actually know how you feel. ive constantly doubted my existance, and im just glad someone feels sympathetic.

Thank you so much :)

I find that when people ignore you or make fun of you it's not because of something you did or didn't do; rather, it is because they feel inferior to you. Keep your chin up, smile bright, and keep reading. In then end all of those matter more then clubbing, being popular, etc. :)

I really like what you say. Sometimes the word and actions of others hurt.

you sound like a really nice person i like your words and introspection.<br />
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i think like i feel the same way sometimes. im 40 and feel terribly alone.<br />
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everytime i reach out to try a relationship the universe slaps my wrist and tells me no.<br />
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i have given up on my dreams because maybe someone don't want me to be happy.<br />
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i hope something works out for you, all the best,<br />
<br />
zpiggy

lady i want to tell you that human being is the most beautifull, sophesticated, and greatest creature GOD has ever made, every person in this world has something special in it thus do not ever consider ur self underestimated. ur special the only thing u need a direction. find a directio on which u can spend ur energies, i have request u said u like to read i suggest u one book that can change ur life i am not saying to belive in it but for general knowledge u can read it the book is QURAN in which muslim religion is based on. u never know one strangers advice can change ur life. miracle happen in this world but we need a eye to see them.

Thank you all soo very much, it means so much to me. I feel like I matter!!! yay! :)

yeah! what he said. *points to apostolosvasilis*

Thanks for all of the feedback, I'm glad I'm not alone. What I mean by getting older is after leaving college I drifted from my friends or vise versa because they didn't really move forward and I did, they stayed very negative, drinking, partying and they still do the same now and it doesn't interest me. I've tried getting in touch but it seems like a constant one sided effort, they never contact me and we have nothing to talk about. Apart from the 'old days' which can be boring after years and years of the same conversations. I just want to find open minded, interesting people who have thought provocative things to say!! darn it!

It's said that there are 7 people in the world who look alike. I have never met anyone who looked like me. You sound like someone who thinks and feels like I do. I know how it feels when you try to talk about something you find interesting and your friends give you this blank stare, before resuming some mundane conversation on- who is dating who, who is down with wazzit, what happened to X, Y and Z- or slightly better topics like food, movies and holidays. Jeez, sometimes I think that a good conversation is the most difficult thing to come by.<br />
What do you mean when you say 'As I've grown older I've lost my friends'? Did you make an effort to keep them?

I am different too.....not at all a clubbing girl. Sometimes I feel that even if I am noticed, nobody actually undestands me. Mostly I feel good about being different....We're special, in a good way.(:...........What helps me to don't feel bad about being different is knowing that even if around me there aren't people like me, somewhere there in the world are enough people just like me.

I feel like this sometimes, it's annoying,

I feel like this sometimes, it's annoying,

Thanks guys :) It's funny how strangers can connect so easily... Thank you for taking time to read this... It means alot. :)

hey, if you love yourself, then who can stop your world from spinning? Only the ones that own your heart. I am glad you are who you are that prompted me to stop and look and read this little section of the internet and interest me enough to cause me to want to comment. I can't say i am any different than anyone else.

I am a lot older than you, but you sound so mature. I think you should have your own opinions and thoughts, it just shows your emotionall maturity is higher than most people. HANG IN THERE. You sound like an amazing young lady.<br />
B

The people on EP are different. They are more caring and want to help so its a good place for you to be. I hope everything goes well for you. I agree it seems that people who like to party all the time form into groups and the rest of us are alone. I don't think its you sweety. You sound really sweet and rather normal. Good Luck.

you matter to people here dear....make friends over here..you are not alone..you will find here ppl like you...good luck:)