It's So Hard to Get Up In the Morning.

I live for real in the night time now, and my life feels so empty. My only joy now comes from watching sitcoms late at night under the covers because I have no one to talk to. Now I can't even sleep without the white noise of canned laughter in the background.

I don't know what it is about me that repels people but I can never seem to get anyone to like me. I feel like I have to be a success for my mother to even like me. And now that I'm not doing too well...well, you can finish that story for me. She physically recoils when she sees me and has, on one occasion where I was driving her home, insisted on walking home because she couldn't take anymore of me.

She says I am wasting my life. And I really feel like I am. But I feel crippled to move away from all these negative influences. I really do feel so alone.

happilylost happilylost
26-30, F
1 Response Mar 1, 2009

Thank you for this. I spend so much of my time at home now because I have committed to go to law school, in the footsteps of my father who is also a lawyer. I don't know if it's the right fit, but I am a year away from graduating, and they are sending me to school so it's the most viable option for me right now. But all the time I spend studying gets stifling sometimes, I guess. And having to be indebted to them for room and board and school and my basic necessities makes me feel helpless in a way, I guess? But I am grateful to them for everything that they have provided for me. And I am grateful to you for even commenting on my note. I was in a bad place when I wrote it. But I feel I am on the road to getting better :)