Does anyone else feel like this or am i crazy?

Hi EP this is my first time posting an experience so sorry if i seem stupid and dont make any sense to you....Well im 19 and a female Im not going to go into too much detail because its so much to type but here is why i feel crazy and stupid all at the same time:

I'm incapable of saying no to people even if it doesnt make me happy
I always give to people even if I become broke in the end or disappointed

I cant really express how I feel at the moment because it doesn't come out right or because people wont take me seriously or for the mere fact i hate confrontation

Right now i feel really numb

I seem cold and distant to people

I have done things in my past that could me in jail
But I've also done many things in my past that i regret bad things i wish not to talk about

I don't think about the consequences of my actions sometimes until after the fact

I talk to myself not really conversations but I blurt out random non sense when I'm alone and really stressed out

I do things that I can't explain really pointless things without thinking

I hate myself and feel so guilty about who i am and what ive done that i feel i shouldnt live anymore

Nothing makes me happy anymore

I feel like I really dont want to do anything anymore(I've been on my computer all day laying on my couch)

I only help people because it makes me feel better about myself

I like pleasing everyone if I cant then I feel useless worthless

I dont like receiving help because it makes me feel weak

I hate making mistakes because it makes me look stupid

I look in the mirror and I see nothing....I feel like scum, like an ant or a roach....

I can't really find the right words to say to people...

I stutter....

And the bad part is I wasn't this humble until I hit the real world...

So please if anyone feels the same way or had similar experience please let me know...i feel alone all the time.

momoepeach momoepeach
18-21, F
1 Response Mar 7, 2010

Hmmm ... Viewed 43 times and no answers very strange ( no your not alone the way you feel ) but maybe karma cant keep up with you so it seeks opportunitys to catch ..... maybe.... if I may ask what were your terrible deeds?