New Here, So Hang In There With Me.

I have been together with my husband for almost 6 years, married for 2. Our relationship started as most do emotionally and sexually. Over the time the sexual part of our relationship has become scarce at best. We haven't had sex in 8 months. The emotional parts ( I guess more on my side) have taken many hits and bruises because of this. I often wonder when he tells me that I am beautiful or that he loves me if he just does so to keep me happy and together with him. He is a wonderful person who I admire and love very much. He often says that I am his best friend and sometimes I feel that is just what our relationship is, best friends and roommates. He sleeps on the couch, and I sleep in a king size bed by myself cuddling with a pillow and the dogs. I never considered myself to be an over active sexual person. I do not want sex 3 times a day or a week for that matter, once or twice a month would be nice. Heck, I'd be happy if he would just initiate sex once a year. I was ok when it started to lag from his side at first, but I we are now 29 and I want to have kids. I have some medical issues and want to have a child while I am still able to lift them by myself. Problem is no sex means no kids. He swears that he wants kids, and he doesn't want to wait to start, but when I approach him about sex I am always rushing, or reminding him which he says turns him off. I guess to him kissing and touching is being pushy to him. Each time we do talk about it he gets defensive, and then he lets something slip, like today he told me he masturbates "every other day". Well if he feels the need to ********** why doesn't he approach his more than willing wife? When I said that I felt like I needed to find an outside source for the sexual parts of our relationship he said fine without skipping a beat. That hurts more than the entire rest of our conversation. I feel like I am being constantly rejected, and my self esteem once so high is now below ground level. I feel like I am unattractive most of the time, until I go out and get approached by other men who clearly find me attractive. So I try and keep in mind that I am not an unattractive woman, but with such rejection from the one who says he loves me everyday it can be hard to do that. He is truly a great guy (except for all this) he makes sure that I am generally content, I have no fear that he would cheat on me, or raise a hand or voice at me. But I have to wonder if that is enough. We are young and have a long life ahead of us, how much longer can I take this? Can I live for 20 more years like this? I have already told him that if he doesn't want to try to have children then I will have one with a donor or adoption, he said he is fine with it, but I have asked myself over and over again if I am ok with that too. If I do seek an 'outside source' for sex then should I even continue to be married? Isn't the point to only be with the other person as long as they are alive? I waited until I was 27 to get married because I wanted it to be a forever marriage, and I wanted to make sure that I had found the 'right' guy, so my children will not go through a divorce.Now I question if I did that alomost daily. We live in a very small area and the marriage counselors within an hours drive are either not taking new clients or are booked for 8 months. I don't know what to do. Take the marriage as is and live basically a celibate life in a platonic marriage, or just cut my losses and start my life over again in the hopes that there is a wonderful man out there waiting for me to come into his life? All I know right now is I have cried enough for one day. I feel so lost, confused and alone right now without anyone who understands where I am in my life.
pearlie369 pearlie369
Jul 25, 2010