I Feel So Sad I Don't Know If My Boyfriend Is Cheating On Me Or Using Drugs..or Both

I'VE BEEN with this guy for 6 YEARS he is TALKATIVE, JOYFUL NICE, likes to help people in need, but also HAS A DOWNSLIDE..he cheated on me several times A YEAR AFTER we started dating.. he confessed it to me a day that we argued really bad. HE TOLD ME HE SLEPT WITH HIS FRIEND. To make long story short I found out from him and another girl that he slept with several girls at his job and from school. HE BEGGED ME TO GO BACK with him, THAT HE WASN'T GONNA DO IT AGAIN and he sounded sincere..SO I FORGAVE HIM.. haven't heard anything about him sleeping with another girl after that incident.  He also use to do drugs, when I met him I didn't know about this, but my gut feeling told me..and he confessed it to me. He also was dealing.HE PROMISED HE WAS GONNA STOP SELLING AND USING DRUGS/COKE ..He did stop selling..but I DON'T KNOW IF he kept on consuming them, because a year and a half after he confessed to me that he was consuming drugs he got caught with a bag of coke. he said he would stop using coke.. I BELIEVED HIM. for 3 years I'm almost sure he stopped doing drugs because, he was always with me after work he would come and see me...you can almost say he was with me 24/7.. so I was sure he wasn't gonna do that again. A year ago he started a new job where he met a lot of people and made new guy friends, because basically he didn't have any guy friends he was always with me..but after having that job he started to go out with his friends on the weekends.. about once every month I would say, but after hanging out with his friends he started to act like a jerk to me, he would be moody and try to argue about anything. HE would get mad at me for almost anything.. we would argue and he would disappear for 3-4 days he did that once every 3 wks, and as the months passed he started to do that more often for example: we would argue and he would leave and NOT TALK or call me for 3-4 days every other weekend. a total of 8 months passed after he got his new friends from his new job and this time he WOULD DO IT EVERY OTHER WEEKEND..we would argue and he would leave and disappear for 3-4 days even 5 days.. he wouldn't call me nor text me..nothing!  HE got demoted from his job 10 months after working there and he confessed to me that he started to smoke weed, BECAUSE HE WAS SO STRESSED OUT.. I figured HE was consuming something else besides weed cause I could see he was hyped up and would beg me not to break up with him. FORGOT to tell you that every time he would leave and not talk to me for 3-4 days he would come bACK BEgging me and asking me not to break up with him I FORGAVE HIM all those times he would tell me he wasn't gonna do it again and that if he goes out he would call me. HE LIED..HE DID IT SEVERAL MORE TIMES.       IT'S IMPORTANT to tell you that we NEVER! NEVER! WOULD GO out more than a day without TALKING, everytime we would break up he would come to my house to make it up AND BRING ME A FLOWER OR SOMETHING TO FORGIVE HIM begging me to go back with him, but like for the past 2 months, even though he is the one being mean and leaving me, not calling or texting me for 4 days I was the one calling him and texting him and telling him NOT TO DO THAT AGAIN TO ME.. and he would feel like I was the one begging him and I was...

     ALSO.. I FORGOT TO TELL U GUYS THAT THOSE DAYS THAT HE WOULD DISAPPEAR ON ME.. a few days before he disapeared on me  WE WOULD MAKE PLANS to go OUT ON THE WEEKEND. SADLY.. HE WOULDN'T SHOW UP AND NOT CALL OR TEXT ME WHY OR WHERE HE LEFT. ...I KNEW HE WAS WITH HIS FRIENDS, HIS FRIENDS ARE POT HEADS AND SOME ARE COKE HEADS.. I KNOW THIS CAUSE HE CONFESSED IT TO ME AND OTHER PEOPLE TOLD me as well. for the PAST 3 WEEKS..HE HADN'T DISAPPEAR ON ME. HE WENT  1 TIME WITH HIS FRIENDS, BUT HE DID TELL ME HE WENT OUT SO I WAS KINDA OKAY with that.  ON the other hand that day he went out he smoked weed, he promised he wasnt gonna smoke again, but I saw his eyes and then he confessed to me after me nagging him to tell me the truth. HE said "I'm not gonna do it again".  TWO DAYS AGO HE WENT OUT WITH HIS FREINDS BUT HE STILL HASN'T CALLED ME OR TEXTED ME..EVEN THOUGH HIS PHONE'S DISCONNECTED RIGHT NOW HE can call me using somebody else's phone, BUT HE HASN'T. I'm SURE HE'S DOING SOMETHING BAD CAUSE I HAVEN'T HEARD FROM HIM SINCE 2 DAYS AGO... LIKE I SAID before he started that new job a year ago he never let A DAY GO BY WITHOUT CALLING ME OR TEXTING ME..   MY QUESTION IS THIS.........................PLEASE GUYS TELL ME ALL THE POSSIBLE THINGS HE MIGHT BE DOING.. WHAT DO YOU THINK??  DON'T HESITATE TO TELL ME.. WHAT DO YOU RECOMMEND ME TO DO..    MAYBE AVOID HIM? OR MAKING HIM BELIEVE THAT I DON'T WANT ANYTHING TO DO WITH HIM?  WE ALWAYS TALKED THAT WE WOULD GET MARRIED AND HAVE KIDS AND WHAT NOT.. BUT IT SEEMS LIKE HE'S BORED OF ME OR WHAT DO YOU THINK?  THE THING IS THAT HE TELLS ME THAT I'M SEXY, BEAUTIFUL, THAT HE'S NEVER DONE BETTER THAN ME AND ALL THE THINGS A GIRL WANTS TO HEAR.........I KNOW HE LIKES ME AND LOVES ME.. BUT WHAT'S ON HIS MIND? HELP ME.. PLEASE..!   WHAT can I DO? punish hime by making him believe that I wanna break up with him for good.. when deep inside I know I don't wanna do that..  ?  I REally love him..and don't wanna lose him ....

HEAVENY HEAVENY
26-30, F
7 Responses Feb 25, 2010

You know that happen to me once. My "boyfriend" disappeared for 2 weeks and when he came home someone else had taken his place. Im not saying jump into the sack with the next man, but you need to be free of that mess. You need to go out and enjoy yourself instead of worrying , life is too short. He is out doing whatever and you obviously aren't on his mind so you need to do the same. Let him come home and find you out. Make some new friends and go out. Live girl. This was my problem. I made my my whole life about him. I let go of anyone and everyone else who made me happy. I'm not really sure why a man would disappear and not call and expect you to even talk to him after that. I would consider it a breakup. Leave him.

leave him.head up.first mistake that u did was that u forgive him for sleeping with another woman.if one person make this one time he will make again and again.and druggs???no way.head up. u deserve smthg else.u can be happy with smdy else but be carefull what u choose.good luck. sorry for my weak english.

wow i totally no what ur going through i just broke up with my boyfriend of 5 in half years and its been 3 weeks its so hard but it got to the point of me just helping him quit time after time and he took atvantage of me and the truth is a coke addict cant ever quit unless they left town and had a fresh start but it's better of if u just get out of it just cuz he wont be able to have kids and if he has cheated on u thats a big no no and on top of that u dont want to have to stress if u come home and he wont be there and i had the same relationship as u me his family everyone helped him but he always said how he would change and he did for a few months and then back on it again and it would last for days and then i would cry and it didnt even bother him they r selfish and dum there brain is fried and they get mad so fast and it so sad that its hard for u cuz i have been there and no im thinking did i make the rite choice but i keep telling myself tht he was never emotionally there for me and he always told me ur the best thing that ever happened blah blah bla i believed him when i should have showed him the door and now i no he wishes he could change now tht i have left but its too late even my family thinks im a joke for always taking him back so he can rott in hell if i were u i would leave and never look back im joining yoga and it will help to keep me strong and focused and i no thr is someone out thr for me tht cares and tht will love and tht what u need as well !!!!

wow i totally no what ur going through i just broke up with my boyfriend of 5 in half years and its been 3 weeks its so hard but it got to the point of me just helping him quit time after time and he took atvantage of me and the truth is a coke addict cant ever quit unless they left town and had a fresh start but it's better of if u just get out of it just cuz he wont be able to have kids and if he has cheated on u thats a big no no and on top of that u dont want to have to stress if u come home and he wont be there and i had the same relationship as u me his family everyone helped him but he always said how he would change and he did for a few months and then back on it again and it would last for days and then i would cry and it didnt even bother him they r selfish and dum there brain is fried and they get mad so fast and it so sad that its hard for u cuz i have been there and no im thinking did i make the rite choice but i keep telling myself tht he was never emotionally there for me and he always told me ur the best thing that ever happened blah blah bla i believed him when i should have showed him the door and now i no he wishes he could change now tht i have left but its too late even my family thinks im a joke for always taking him back so he can rott in hell if i were u i would leave and never look back im joining yoga and it will help to keep me strong and focused and i no thr is someone out thr for me tht cares and tht will love and tht what u need as well !!!!

yu just gotta slowly let him go ..yu dont need that.move on dont let him try to come back try to get closer and then live yur life have fun do yu.

like lookbothways said,plus you have given him more than enough chances.I dont think he will chamge.there are alot of men out there that will treat u better than he does.

You need to focus on not letting someone walk on you. Sad to say it but he does not love you. Make yourself strong, don't become a hater of all men because of it and become a hate filled person. They win if you give them permission to get away with insulting you, he is insulting you're dignity, you need to have a good cry and dump his worthless ***, its the only way, he is laughing at you. You need to hold your chin up and be less available to him now. forever, it's not working sorry you got hurt, it sucks being betrayed and crushed over someone who does not care