Used And So Angry

I feel so used......and ANGRY                                 It's taken me a very long time to begin to build up trust in men. I had a fiancee who I loved dearly, who meant the world to me, and who I thought was my soulmate. After 5 years together, I found out that he was trying to hook up with other woman, sending naked photos of himself, and receiving such photos. I also found out he had slept with one of these woman after I found a text he had sent her "sorry bout last night, next time you'll be much louder and I'll last much longer". My heart was truly broken, I mean how could he be telling me he loved me, planned our wedding with me, while doing all this? Anyways, I managed to pick my self up, move out and finish my Uni degree. Life was good. When I felt ready to go back "out there" i met another guy about 6 months later. We were friends first, then later it developed into something more. It developed very slowly. I finally thought I'd found someone who I could trust. He treated me like a queen, treated me with respect, told me he loved me, respected my views. We would stay up late at night cuddling, talking about our future and our dreams. He even drove an hour through snow so he could see me, spend time with me. On valentines day he was meant to come to mine, he didn't. I called him and he said he had to stay behind for work. For two days I had no texts, calls nothing. I finally rang his phone on day three, the number was not recognized. He had changed his number. I sent him an email and waited. His response "I'm sorry I didn't know how to tell you, I have a girlfriend and 4 year old son". I demanded ans, wanted to ask why he did what he did to me, no response. I then said I would tell his partner, threatened to ruin hid relationship. I received a phone call from his solicitor the next day for "harassment". A meeting was arranged in the solicitors office with me and him. I insisted on it as the coward wouldn't speak to me face to face. I asked him why he did what he did to me, why he thought it was acceptable to toy with my emotions. He said he wanted to see "if the grass was greener on the other side", I was his experiment in a way. I cried for many months after that, my work suffered, I was emotionally scarred. I slowly dusted my self off, done some soul searching,started to enjoy life again, started to date after many months. And here I am now, saw a guy for a few months, he did  everything right. Held my hand in public, spent all of his time with me, took me gifts, cooked me meals, called every morning and night. Had a silly pet name for me. No signs of a player at all. No signs I was being played, toyed with. He called me his girlfriend,took me on romantic walks by the canal, met my friends. I asked him yesterday was he coming down to see me, he asked "do you miss my ****"?He had never spoken to me like that EVER. He hung up the phone on me. I received a text from him telling me to "go away, move on" cause he already had. We had spent the night together three days previously. I've deleted his number, deleted him from my life. I feel so humiliated, hurt, confused, angry, upset and low that I've been treated in this way by these men. I feel used and violated. I'm a good person with a big heart. I am attractive, have a great job and amazing friends. Im also a sensitive person so i feel I was used as easy prey. I can't understand why I was treated the way I was. 
Katef88 Katef88
22-25
Sep 12, 2012