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Spiritual Emergence

Hi to set the seen I have always thought I was a maths science and validation kind of guy. my entire life has been a battle with the devils advocate i seem to be the the person hit by the bottle thrown in the crowd i have never known why I find crowds difficult. or  how and why i feel so alone.  even though i am married with children I walk down the street and i feel peoples anger sadness and frustrations at times i feel i am a deviat almost overwhelmed with love and sometimes lust and even sometimes for my own gender, even though i know i am totally hetro(a massive topic)i am 45 and been medicated for depression and anxiety disorders with whatever medication never really working for probibly 5 years. about a year ago it all came to a head and i had a nervous brake-down (at least what i thought was one)and ended up trying different things like yoga some meditation' someone suggested cognative reprogramming.yes that i suppose was the beginning I started my own meditation techniques and found that i could alter my neural pathways I found i was becoming secular and a massive conflict between science and the mystical started at this point i created a basin to put thoughts in. My logic was i dont need to devote my frontal lobe to this and started to let go and let my intrinsic brain deal with it my imigdalis or what i thought was brain stem   my meditation started to get right out there projecting myself forward out of body sensations this light started to take a large emphasis in my practice. i couldnt talk to anyone about it in fear of being thought insane .I started to think i was wandering close to insanity but with a lifetime of being different and creating ways of cammoflarging it it.i thought no not this time I was feeling moments of emensce clarity almost santuary. meditation became an absolute need . to the point of almost loosing my ability to communicate with people as if i was one step forward and one step to the side all the time.  I met this councilor (that meeting worthy of  analysis another time) He picked a few words i said and asked why did you just say all of those poor people they they make me feel sad.I didnt realise i had said it. This guy had a degree in religeous philosophies in fact he had a number of degrees all around simaler feilds well to cut to the chase he said it sounds to me like you will need to build up some boundarys to stop feeling other peoples emotions that simple statement changed me completely he suggested i google empathic people  I found i am not alone infact there is many of us and explained so many happenings in life i am not mad i am not alone i believe and iamopen2
deleted deleted 26-30 1 Response Mar 12, 2012

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That's great that after so many years of not knowing who you were you were finally able to determine what you were and what it was you were feeling. Is funny how something someone says sometimes makes us think and helps us realize something. It's great that you had a couselor that helped you out and by saying "sounds to me like you will need to build up some boundarys to stop feeling other peoples emotions " that statement changed you completely. Hypnosis is great. I went too counselors in the past and also went though hypnosis and it helped. I'm glad you know how to deal with your abilities now, accept and understand them.