Friday

This past Friday, I had horrors to live with but it ended and I have a rainbow once again. :)

Out of nowhere, my nose started running with blood. Pouring out like a river. I was glad I had paper towels handy. Tissues were too fine and thin. The paper towels got drenched sides and back-to-back within seconds, no matter how many paper towels I used. Blood was on my hands and arms. It eventually poured out of both nostrils AND my mouth like rivers. I was gagging badly.

I was seriously concerned I'd die. I texted my mom the best I could. Typos couldn't be helped with one finger and trying to keep the paper towels on my nose and mouth. I couldn't go to the hospital cause they make me worse. My mom, stepdad and gramma were at their house and understandably concerned. My mom came to visit me when she could. She had also called and spoken with a doctor who tried to help with advice but it made things worse for me.

Huge clots larger than you can expect came out of my nose while my nose kept running with blood. No one knew what was going on. My stepdad kept trying to look for reasons why I was like this to no avail. I knew it was a stress ailment, but what was stressing me so badly that THIS happened, this horror?

I kept praying I wouldn't bleed to death and choke to death.

The massive part of the bleeding lasted about five hours. It was the longest five hours of my life. I had blood all over both hands and on my arms and my family's dog visited and kept sniffing me and wanting to lick me. I was able to eventually get washed when the bleeding had dwindled down. The lesser bleeding and clotting was still much but nowhere near as horrific as the rivers of blood from both nostrils and my mouth. The lesser bleeding lasted about another three hours.

Then without warning after a small minutes-long break from all bleeding and clotting, a river of water not snot started from my nose. I had no idea what was going on and my family found it strange too, but I was extremely grateful it wasn't blood. I'll take a gushing river of water coming out of my nose than a gushing river of blood coming out of my nose and mouth any day.

That lasted a few hours. And I still had a strong taste of blood in my mouth.

The next day, my nose was completely fine. You couldn't tell the previous day's horrors had existed at all. More proof it was a stress ailment.

I was able to sit and think things through. What did I see, who did I see, what did I smell, what did I hear. Recently I had many stressors that most people might be able to overlook and move beyond and add to it how sensitive emotionally I was born, it makes sense how everyday things can be such stressors for me. And I sometimes don't feel the ailments from stress right away.

I had seen a bunch of pictures some photographer took and posted online and one was a shark about to eat a seal. I had read about Taylor Swift and Conner Kennedy breaking up. I had read about Selena Gomez and Justin Bieber having another fight. I had read about a man forcing his wife in another country to put their baby in their bag because they didn't have a passport or ticket for the baby. I had read about a cop assaulting a 17 year old and being proud the teen's friend was videotaping it.

I still come on EP hoping GUUYY/Roadguy won't contact me or trash me. I have a friend on Pogo who emailed me one thing about not having feelings for his female friend who others thought he liked but then after I told him I never thought of him and her like that, they started laying it on rather thick in the chatroom always calling each other Hunny and kissing each other and making sure I see it. I have another friend who just revealed to me she thought I joked around alot in the chatroom in the games and I don't joke. I'm me.

So much more than that affects me every day and I deal with it but I stress very easily and emotional pain turns into physical pains and ailments for me, has done that my whole life.

But when the sun comes out again and brings a rainbow, I know I'm alright. Stress handles me but the only way I can enjoy the rainbow is if I survive the storm. Only the survivors can tell their stories.
blossomingbeauti blossomingbeauti
36-40, F
Dec 2, 2012