These Four Walls.

I do not have my license or a car yet, so I am stuck in my house all the time.  The only time I get to go places is if my mom asks me to go someplace with her.  I stay home all week cleaning the house and not really doing anything.  There is nothing really within walking distance of me to go do during the day, either. 

Well, I am just coming out of a year long battle with agoraphobia.  It is very important that I get out of the house at least once a week.  But my mom doesn't understand this.  Now I am lucky to get out once every two weeks.  Last weekend we never went anywhere.  So that marked a whole seven days of being confined to the house.  This weekend is nearly over and today I found out, when I woke up, that they all got up and went out to the movies before I woke and didn't even ask me to go.  I am so upset because my mom doesn't understand that I can't keep staying inside or I'll just be back where I was a year ago. 

When I don't get out for weeks at a time, it sucks, because when I finally do get out I can't enjoy it.  I get so antsy and nervous and shaky.  Then while I'm at the place I keep thinking, wow! I'm actually doing this!  Rather than enjoying what I'm there to do.  I want to cry so bad.  Because I feel like this is never going to end.

urbrandofheroin urbrandofheroin
22-25, F
Feb 22, 2009