i'll admit it - i'm not happy in my job. i love my dad, but i'm not happy living in his house, and can't afford our own place. i feel stuck.
i was going to apply for another job where my friend works, but i realize that it doesn't make sense to go from one job i'm unhappy in to another (in sales/business work) that i know i'll also dislike. i feel trapped and upset, and then i feel guilty for being upset, because i know that so many others have it so much worse. but shouldn't my feelings be valid too? and then the guilt comes back. vicious cycle that i must break.
i wish i could make a living doing something i love. but what? i love to write, but fear doing it for a living and coming to loathe it. i love to create. i love to paint, and would love to throw pottery, and work with my hands. but can that really keep a home running? i'm sure it'll be better when my husband graduates from school and starts working...but until then, what do i do? my job is literally making me ill. i have a constant sinus infection from breathing in paint and debris. i have chronic migraines from my clogged sinuses. i have constant aches and pains from moving things too large for me to feasibly move...***** whine, ***** whine, yadda yadda.
i'd love to make up my mind. i'd love to take charge and start my own business, or even figure out what i'd like to start a business doing. i'd love to get out of this work rut. but how, when the whole country is one giant work rut? how, when the making of money has become more important than the fulfillment of one's soul's desires?
maybe it's all melodrama. but i really do hate my job. and i really do feel stuck.