Where To Run?

i'll admit it - i'm not happy in my job.  i love my dad, but i'm not happy living in his house, and can't afford our own place.  i feel stuck.

i was going to apply for another job where my friend works, but i realize that it doesn't make sense to go from one job i'm unhappy in to another (in sales/business work) that i know i'll also dislike.  i feel trapped and upset, and then i feel guilty for being upset, because i know that so many others have it so much worse.  but shouldn't my feelings be valid too?  and then the guilt comes back.  vicious cycle that i must break.

i wish i could make a living doing something i love.  but what?  i love to write, but fear doing it for a living and coming to loathe it.  i love to create.  i love to paint, and would love to throw pottery, and work with my hands.  but can that really keep a home running?  i'm sure it'll be better when my husband graduates from school and starts working...but until then, what do i do?  my job is literally making me ill.  i have a constant sinus infection from breathing in paint and debris.  i have chronic migraines from my clogged sinuses.  i have constant aches and pains from moving things too large for me to feasibly move...***** whine, ***** whine, yadda yadda.

i'd love to make up my mind.  i'd love to take charge and start my own business, or even figure out what i'd like to start a business doing.  i'd love to get out of this work rut.  but how, when the whole country is one giant work rut?  how, when the making of money has become more important than the fulfillment of one's soul's desires?

maybe it's all melodrama.  but i really do hate my job.  and i really do feel stuck.

usetheforceluke usetheforceluke
26-30, F
7 Responses Jan 25, 2010

he wrote Hard Boiled Wonderland, right? i've heard good things about him - definitely need to investigate further.

Haruki Murakami. He's the Japan equivalent of Hans Christian Andersen as far as popularity goes, I think.

thank you so much for your great advice, mylittleself and Drokles. it means a whole lot to me, makes tons of sense, and has got my mind churning. Drokles, i like that quote from your favorite author..who is it?

Well, it's in the states right? Don't you people just sue each other in these situations?<br />
Seriously though, I wouldn't just accept working in such a place, there's gotta be some laws against that kind of thing.<br />
One of my favourite writers says that in order for him to write he has to dedicate one or two hours a week to writing, when the others are at church. It takes tremendous discipline for him, so it's not as if he really enjoys the hard work it comes down to. It's all about being stubborn regardless of this.

Have you tried wearing a mask?Surgical mask, for example. They are cheap, easy to put on and take off and you won't breathe in debris anymore. I know, it looks a bit strange but some people wear them even when they have a flu, after all... You could wear one around your neck and put it on, just when you need to.<br />
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If I were you, I'd be seriously worried about what carrying heavy things could result in. No one can do this improperly without very unpleasant consequences and especially not women. If you decide to continue working there, you have to at least learn HOW to move heavy things, or you'll have some serious problems with your spine. Your doctor (even an internist), should be able to give you some tips. Also, it'd be good (or necessary?) to strengthen muscles around your spine(swimming, yoga or special exercises), so that you won't end up like me.lol<br />
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If this job you were going to apply to, is less harmful to health,then maybe you should give it a try. Also, I don't see a reason, why not complain a bit and admit you're unhappy lol. Seriously, problems won't vanish, if you pretend you can't see them ^_^ Stop bull$hitting about other's bigger unhappiness, you have Your Own Unhappiness and it's even more unhappy when it's considered unimportant lololol. Okay, I'm laughing here, but I just know that the first step to get over something is to realize this Something there is. The second step is to accept that, like you can't bend yourself or cut your hands to fit in a certain space, you also can't continue doing something, when you can't "fit in". Other people can, but you're not "other people" and they also would find difficult what is easy for.you. The question now is-is it just "uncomfortable" for you, or are your hands already sticking out from the "job space" asking to be cut off?lol:D<br />
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Maybe try to concentrate on what you want to and can do. Why did you say you'd you come to hate writing, if it was your job? Do you want to spend your whole life doing a job you hate or being a housewife? Why do you not want to try something different? Because you're not good enough, the consequences would be disastrous, or do you just not have enough courage? Or is it impossible? If yes, than what "impossible" means to you? What is the worst scenario? Do you think, if you failed would you be able to try again, or not? Do you stay in this job, because it's the only way to earn the income? Do you think it's your role as a responsible adult?<br />
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These are some questions only for you, it's not in my interest to know your answers. Good luck;)

but you know, sometimes that's what it takes to get through. just hearing it a little different. :)

you said something along these lines before. you were right then, and now. :)<br />
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i guess i've got to have more of that "patience" stuff, huh? :D