Nobody Understands..

Everyday I seem to follow the same routine. I find myself losing me.. a little bit more then yesterday. I find myself in a trapped cave where I find no exits. Things seem much harder then they did yesterday and thats only because the pain is getting stronger. I wish someone would understand me.. but they don't. I wish someone that I wish would understand - Just walk through my shoes.. just for one moment in time. 
I'm with this guy, I've been with him almost 2 years now. I find myself being pushed away from him as each day comes.
We argue very frequently, over the most stupid things! Sometimes he gets violent, which it does scare me. I try to talk to him about how I feel - he says something like "I don't want to hear it" or "I can't be asked for this right now.." 
If I try turning to my family it's the same, "Don't talk like that - I don't want to hear it" I understand they don't want their daughter to feel this way nor speak the way I do .. but I can not shut off how I feel, can I? I can't say.. I'm fine when I'm not. I won't put on a fake smile, laugh for no one because that's not how I feel inside.
I believe - (My soulmate) The guy I mentioned in my other story.. Knows and understands me.. He understands because he goes through the same feelings as I do but there are times when he doesn't seem to understand. He seems to think "Things will get better, for me" When I know they won't as I am not convinced the slightest that they will! 
I'm eighteen and haven't seen one bit of change the only change I see is myself getting more and more cold. 
Deep down, course I don't want to feel like this - but I do. 
Deep down, I want to live a very long time.
I want the old me back - when I was a happy child when things were easy! Not like this..

SuicidalChick SuicidalChick 18-21, F 2 Responses Jan 10, 2012

Your Response


Sometimes people get angry because there scared or don,t understand.

you don,t understand why they don,t understand,

we are all differant.

To us it,s real I beleive you

but we can,t force others to understand

thats the hard part

as for your boyfriend

when you care for someone its a two way street if you two can,t talk maybe its not meant to be

I think maybe that might scare you

sometimes we except what we can get thinking we can,t do better

Beleave in your self as i think you do as you know somethings not right

trust your inner voice your thoughts

don,t let anyone secong guess you

i,m glad you found this sight and i hope i didn,t offend you

take care

If you can't talk to your partner,who can you talk to?

If he's violent you should step away,if you need a chat then you know what to do!:)

sometimes a person on the outside can help when you can't see the woods for the trees.