Nobody Understands..Everyday I seem to follow the same routine. I find myself losing me.. a little bit more then yesterday. I find myself in a trapped cave where I find no exits. Things seem much harder then they did yesterday and thats only because the pain is getting stronger. I wish someone would understand me.. but they don't. I wish someone that I wish would understand - Just walk through my shoes.. just for one moment in time.
I'm with this guy, I've been with him almost 2 years now. I find myself being pushed away from him as each day comes.
We argue very frequently, over the most stupid things! Sometimes he gets violent, which it does scare me. I try to talk to him about how I feel - he says something like "I don't want to hear it" or "I can't be asked for this right now.."
If I try turning to my family it's the same, "Don't talk like that - I don't want to hear it" I understand they don't want their daughter to feel this way nor speak the way I do .. but I can not shut off how I feel, can I? I can't say.. I'm fine when I'm not. I won't put on a fake smile, laugh for no one because that's not how I feel inside.
I believe - (My soulmate) The guy I mentioned in my other story.. Knows and understands me.. He understands because he goes through the same feelings as I do but there are times when he doesn't seem to understand. He seems to think "Things will get better, for me" When I know they won't as I am not convinced the slightest that they will!
I'm eighteen and haven't seen one bit of change the only change I see is myself getting more and more cold.
Deep down, course I don't want to feel like this - but I do.
Deep down, I want to live a very long time.
I want the old me back - when I was a happy child when things were easy! Not like this..
SuicidalChick 18-21, F 2 Responses 0 Jan 10, 2012