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Peter (fairly new but close friend) seems to be onto something. He keeps asking me about how i am. How i see my future etc. One key thing that got me thinking was when he asked me what made me stop believing. In myself and abilities i take it he meant. And without thought i replied “i guess i had been kicked down enough times that i have lost the will power to pick myself up again” Those who know part of my story always lend a sympathetic ear about the ordeal. But everyone has a story so in the past I’ve struggled their sorry looks off.
I don’t want a helping hand. People have tired and it hasn’t helped. I can’t help myself. I’ve been trying for the past two years. I feel like I’ve been prolonging the obvious that i’m nearing or reached my point of no return. All i know is i can’t lead a life subsidized in emotion and feeling in general. Or worse yet the emotions and feelings i go through now.
BUT and this a big but. I’ve come to see how strong the very thing i think is weak is strong through witnessing moments of wanting things to get better. For now i’ll hold out and a hope for a better tomorrow.
RueRaven RueRaven 22-25, F Dec 9, 2012

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