Lonely And Lost...

I've felt like I'm alone for quite a while now...I used to have the perfect life.  I was a college student, had a TON of friends, partied all the time, everything was just perfect.  Then, it just seemed like everything changed... Last semester I started to get really depressed.  I thought at first that it was just me reacting to the pressure and stress of school, but it kept getting worse.  I had never been depressed before, I didn't know what was happening.  I thought depression was something that happened to emo people who just hated life. But this was different.  It kept getting more and more intense, and before I knew it, I had withdrawn from college, cut off Complete contact with all of my friends, and most of the time had trouble even getting out of bed.  I had hit rock bottom.  I know that friends are a good support system for something like this, but I felt too ashamed to say anything to them.. I really only had like 2 real close friends that I felt comfortable talking about this to, everyone else was just a "party" friend, and I really only hung out with them when we were getting messed up.  I had considered suicide many times, and was inches from just trying to end it, until I called my mom and told her that I wanted help, and that I just couldn't live like this anymore.  It's been about five months since all of this happened, and I'm living at home with my mom.  Since it's all happened, I'm completely friendless.  When I quit talking to everyone before they just didn't really seem to care.  No calls, no nothing.  Now that I don't drink 5 nights a week and smoke weed everyday most of my friends don't talk to me, and I don't talk to them.  I'm slowly trying to get my life back together, but it's really lonely.  I have no friends anymore, my best friend is my dog. lol.....  But I'm trying to focus on myself and my own well-being and getting my life back together.  I'm young, only 20, so I think I deserve to live a happy life.  I'm not gonna give up.

codyvon08 codyvon08
18-21, M
4 Responses Feb 18, 2010

Good on you. Drug & Alcohol friends are really not worth the type to keep. I dont know if you noticed it but now that you no longer drink or smoke weed you will find that the people you thought you were friends with are not the same people you knew when you were partying with them. I hope that makes sense. You've opened another door to life. New life means new friends. If you can, try and seek new friendship in a different field. Instead of meeting at a nightclub or pub like you used to do. Try libraries haha! I know the thought of it sounds crazy but hey.. isnt that what we enjoyed when we were partying?? the craziness? Im just rambling here in a humorous kind of way. But you should be proud of how far you have gone with dealing with this situation. Keep up the good work :)

I can't believe the comments up there, people are ********. Look, I have a similar story, I was once one of the popular guys, when I was at school. But now that i'm older(23) things have changed radically. And I wasn't accustomed to be alone so I got depressed for a long time. <br />
After a while I met this girl and, I dont know, everything seems great now. So don't give up man, we all have bad times in life. Try to find a fine girl for you, trust me about that, we don't need tons of friends we need people that really cares about us, doesn't matter if they are few.

someone cursed u.....

Drugs & alcohol can cause brain damage, a fact most people are not aware of. Once brain cells die, they are gone for good. You may be suffering the effects of excessive use of these toxins & are now suffering the aftermath. Have you had a thorough physical exam? Depression is a medical diagnosis & needs to be treated with medication. Besides seeing a doctor, reach out to others, don't wait for people to come to you. There are many people who feel just as you, lonely; teens, elderly. Visit a nursing home or volunteer at a local hospital or school. Take a step toward change! Remember, God loves you & is just a prayer away.