Real Emotions


Inspiring words is one thing...  I don't know how to put into words what I feel is missing. I just never feel like a complete person. I never feel like I actually belong somewhere. I never feel accepted. I never this.. I never that.. Wow listen to me complain away.. *sigh* Oh well, no sense turning back now. I'll give you a little history. I'm the youngest of three children. Both of my older siblings have moved out, married ,and are now parents. I'll be a junior in a small town high school next year. And really, I shouldn't have anything to complain about. I'm a spoiled brat. Well I'm spoiled, I try not to be a brat. I know you people who have actually gone through some very serious stuff are probably annoyed by people like me.. Complaining over stupid things. And I want to let you know that I have the highest respect for you people. You're trully amazing and inspiring.And maybe that's what's missing.. I've never had to suffer. I've never had to handle death of beloved family or the terrible emotions of losing everything. I'm not bragging or complaining.I want to say that I understand what these people go through ,but how can I if I havn't experienced it. And even if I did, would I ever trully understand? I've become numb in a way. I feel like I'm in a state of shock. I havn't felt a real emotion ever since I could remember. Well other then depressed and disappointed. And envy. Well it's not really envy. It's a want or desire to prove to my friends that I do not need them to be happy. I want new friends so badly. I've been having problem finding new people to talk to. And I want a boyfriend. I want to feel some real emotions again. That's what's missing.

Stephanie12 Stephanie12
18-21, F
Jul 18, 2010