As a child I always felt like I didn't fit in. I struggled being friends with other children and preferred to be with adults. I couldn't understand what children did with their time or how they played their imaginary games. I had no dealings with my mother, I never sat on her knee or kissed and hugged her like my sister did, it made no sense why they did these things. As I grew up I found it harder and harder to be in the company of others and found sanctuary in my bedroom listening to music. The music could explain how I felt and I just couldn't explain my own emotions. I became more and more of a loner in my teenage years which didn't change more in adulthood. All my relationships have been total disasters because I'm not like other people. I have a child of my own now who smothers me with something I haven't got to give her back. I copy her behavior towards me and constantly tell her I love her and she is happy with this. However I know there is something missing. How long I've wanted to be like the people around me but now its just something I've got to live with. I would really like someone to show me where I went wrong so long ago and maybe find the missing piece of me
amigoodenough amigoodenough
36-40, F
2 Responses May 21, 2008

I can relate to what you are feeling. It seems I felt that way my whole life. I am married and have a daughter now and still feel like that. I think the people around me makes me feel like some kind of outsider but it is like there is nothing I can do. I just found this site today and I hope it will help you find what you are looking for. http://www.peaceinside.com/inner_peace.htm

Your story rings so true to me. You express a lot of things that I haven't been able to put into words. Your stories are so helpful to me and I really appreciate your willingness to share them. I wish I could find that "thing" that is missing for you.