Empty Shell

My whole life I have felt like I am missing something in my life, I never really figured out what it was. When I got pregnant, I thought maybe that the baby would be the thing that I was missing, but now that I know that the baby isnt going to live, I know that it wasnt it. I have always felt empty inside, like a hollow shell. I have always thought one day I would stumble upon it, but it hasnt happened yet and I am starting to think that I will never find it. I am just tired of the empty feeling that I have, I hate it. I think that I used drugs and sex to fill it. While I was high it felt like I was whole again, but once I came down the emptiness rushed back in.
imperfectbeauty imperfectbeauty
18-21, F
1 Response May 16, 2012

I am so sorry you feel so alone and empty. Loosing your child isn't going to make that feeling any better. You really need a support network close by to help you through all the losses in your your life. You are not the only young person to try to fill the void in their life with drugs, sex, etc., but as you experienced, it doesn't help. It seems as if you have never felt accepted, even as a child. "Grief Share" is a group that is nationwide where you can submit your zipcode and find the closest one to you. I found it a tremendous help and met such supportive people there. Ask to speak the hospital chaplain and social worker where your baby will be born. They should be able to direct you to support groups. No matter what, never doubt that you were created in the image of God and you are his child. Just because others missed seeing your worth has nothing to do with your value to God. I trust you may find resources to help you realize your worth and guide you to healing. I will be glad to talk whenever you wish.