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I Feel That Something Is Missing From My Life

Her Name Starts With J

By: TheHiker
Written on May 18th, 2012
By: TheHiker
Age: 41-45 , Male
949 people have read this story

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28 responses
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    LG76

    so beautiful, yet almost painful to read.... I you can find closure and peace in your heart. xo

    Apr 19
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    Babydoll42

    Beautiful...I'm certain she thinks of you.

    Apr 19
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    Mahal1023

    You must know that Im highly emotional. I cried a bucket of tears while reading this and after. Its beautifully written. Sometimes I want to scream at how cruel life..... fate.... love..... can be!!!

    Jan 31
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      TheHiker

      Ugh..., I really should delete this post. It's a thorn in the side of my memory. To fall into love with a fiction is a depressing affair. I thank you for the heart felt sentiments.

      I look back at the time I wrote this and wonder what I actually went through. I spoke to J after I posted this and things just fell apart. I'm still not sure what was real and what I imagined.
      :-(

      Jan 31
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      Mahal1023

      Well....I totally understand how you feel. Theres a few stories I wrote about someone I was once madly in love with and when I stumble on those stories I cringe. He's posted poems about me and about us. I know where to find it but I cant bring myself to go back and read it. Truth be told if I go looking for it and its not there I would be crushed.
      I am the flip side of your story. I couldnt and didnt want to believe that what I felt for someone I had never met was real. So I got in my car and drove over 500 miles to prove to myself that I was just romanticizing a situation. Well the joke was on me. I drove home more in love. Fast forward it lasted a year and then it had to end. We have not been together for over two years. He still calls and emails me on my bday. The father of my daughter whom I have spent most of my adult life with cant remember my bday to save his life. To add, our daughters bday is 3days after mine.
      Sorry this is getting so much longer. I have to believe that for all the pain we endured from those we have loved, theres something more beautiful and more worthy of you laying ahead. I would bet that she still thinks of you from time to time.

      Jan 31
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    tallmama

    did you ever meet her? I am in the same boat as you. Thought I would meet him, but never did. He has my # but was waiting for me to contact him. I tried but can't find him. This story breaks my heart, you have no idea. I am so sorry. I know just how you feel, it's truly tragic. :(

    Sep 3, 2012
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      TheHiker

      No, I've never met her, save for in my dreams, and even then I'm not sure if that image I held was ever really real. I've talked to her since this reposting but she chose to leave once more. She has a fairly tough reality herself and I don't ever make anything easier by feeling my feelings towards her. There's so much that goes into Love and Loving and I've never been very adequate at either of those. Thanx for the reply, even if I've tried to bury this, it always seems to pop back up. I guess it all equates to another lost dream, is all......

      Sep 3, 2012
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      tallmama

      oh my, you have no idea how similar our stories are. I guess this is what ep is for, to make friends that are similar to you. I am not crying anymore, I decided to stop being depressed over it. I wonder too if he is even real. I know in my heart he is, and I know why he went away-I asked him to. But now I can't find him. I will never be the same. It's so sad. But I added you-I am sorry for your loss. :(

      Sep 3, 2012
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    Stardancer29

    I hope i dont bring you pain by responding to this. I even considered not commenting on your story based on some of your prior responses, but I felt that I needed to just mention how wonderful your words were to read. You not only expressed yourself eloquently and beautifully, you really touched my heart and obviously so many others by sharing this. The love you have just dripped off my screen as I read this. Your poetry is truly amazing and I feel truly blessed that I came upon your story. I don't know the circumstances that separated the two of you, but I wish for you the love you give in return. Whether it be by her or someone else, you deserve happiness and I hope you find it!

    Aug 14, 2012
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      TheHiker

      My love is a curse and one not likely to ever be sent forth into the world of a woman again. It causes me no pain that you commented. I am resilient if nothing else. My passion for life and living carries me forth on wings of the acceptance of my realities. I am who I was meant to be. Everything and Nothing, all at once. I thank you kindly for your words of hope and love. Though the latter is lost on me.

      Aug 14, 2012
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    chereblue1

    I hope your heart finds true happiness

    Jul 26, 2012
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      TheHiker

      Thanx.

      Jul 26, 2012
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    yanene

    What a sweet melancholy love story.

    Jul 23, 2012
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      TheHiker

      It's odd, you know...., I buried this to avoid too many comments on it. Yet here I am replying to a comment on it. I thank you for the kind words. Yes, indeed..., I suppose melancholy is a good word for this quasi-love story of sorts. I appreciate you taking the time to comment on this and to add in your upwards rating. It is appreciated.

      Jul 23, 2012
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    jiffner

    So touching...if all of us girls with the initial "J" could be so lucky to have stumbled upon a man such as you. I agree with the others...hopes and dreams are powerful...you never really know what He has in store.

    Jun 5, 2012
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      TheHiker

      Unfortunately "HE" never seems to have the same plans as I do. Sorry for such a lengthy delay here, but somehow this notification got missed. It was to a newer reply that I had come to comment on and then noticed this. I hardly ever ignore a comment I know about.

      Jul 23, 2012
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      jiffner

      No worries :)

      Jul 26, 2012
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    Fallflower

    Love is better left said, I think. And you say it so well.

    May 24, 2012
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      TheHiker

      Timing plays a big part in every facet of our lives, though we often fail to see it when we get caught up in our own emotions. I'm looking to work on my timing. Can't bring someone a burning candle while they're dancing in the rain, now can we ? Though if we're lucky enough, we can dance with them for a time. I sit here waiting for the music to start. Nature has a way of evening things out sometimes. Thanx FF

      May 24, 2012
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      Fallflower

      Wow, that is an incredibly cool way of looking at it. So wise!

      May 24, 2012
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    Whym

    What a beautiful post. I feel both sorry and hopeful at the same time. I agree with Bluebie...Hopes and Dreams...powerful stuff.

    May 23, 2012
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      TheHiker

      Yeah..., hope is a funny thing. Life is a funny thing. Hell..., even I'm funny when I want to be. I'm glad you enjoyed the read Whym. Thanks for the kind words. You never know when life will spin you out a dream or a wish or even an answered prayer. I go to live a dream. I wish that it comes true. And I pray everyday that she's happy and OK.

      May 23, 2012
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    Bluebie

    They say that things that are meant to be will be, but sometimes this is hard to swallow, especially when you are feeling the pull of someone you love who is long gone. Hugs.

    May 23, 2012
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      TheHiker

      I choose to hope. To Dream. To follow my feet wherever they take me. Whatever happens, will happen. In the past I've tried to force my life a little. These days I'm just letting it ride......

      May 23, 2012
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      Bluebie

      Good choice. Hope and dreams are powerful stuff.

      May 23, 2012
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      TheHiker

      Yes they are...., they are indeed.

      May 23, 2012
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    KassieKat

    What a lovely tribute! I hope you find her again. :)

    May 21, 2012
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      TheHiker

      I don't think I will. But there's always hope, I guess.....

      May 21, 2012
      1 like