I Got Out!

Wow, I just woke up from a 3-year hiatus in my life. I managed to leave the boyfriend I was living with, and it only happened with the support of my family. Otherwise, I had no way out. Mainly financial reasons had kept us together, I was never "with it" enough to save up to get my own place, and didn't have the woman-balls to kick him out and stay there. (The apartment was leased in my name.) He would have come back anyway, manipulative and begging.

Here's what happened toward the end. For two or three months last fall I knew if I didn't get out, I would probably kill myself. I thought of suicide every day, worked up a real plan that could be executed at almost any time, and resigned myself that this was my only escape. However, my deep unhappiness and lashing out at the bf all the time and refusing to get a job after I quit a helljob worked to convince him that he ought to finally leave me. He got his **** together enough to leave the state, the whole region of the country (USA) even. Hallelujah! 

I was deeply relieved, to say the least. While he was away, my depression began to lift. Suicide seemed less and less a good idea, and I was planning things for myself, and daring to look forward to things and feel hope. This only took a few weeks. Of course by that time the bf decided to come back, as he missed me sooo much and realized how bad he ****** up by leaving. When I got back from Thanksgiving vacation, he was there, in my home. (I make this sound like an intrusion, but he'd told me he was coming back - but not when - and I hadn't explicitly and clearly told him he was unwelcome and stuck to my guns about it. This should give you some clue as to how I got stuck in this relationship in the first place. I don't blame him alone.)

Luckily, on the holiday trip we took, my relatives had offered me a place to stay, knowing I was unemployed and without another person to help support me. So within a week, I was moving out. Still need a job, but I'm back in school and on track to be a grownup finally, at age 25.

Bonus ending: the ex-bf blew all his money on traveling across the country and back, and is only now moving out of my old apartment. His disgusting nature means that I'll never get my deposit back (not that it was much). We speak amicably when we do speak, but we speak too often for my comfort level. I'm still working on making my boundaries clear.

endallbeall endallbeall
Feb 16, 2010