To Young...

As a kid I had to grow up fast to survive. I told myself "when I move out I'll be able to have fun and relax". Now I have and I still can't. My senior year of high school I got back together with my current bf and things have moved way to fast since then. I'm not even 21 but I'll probably be married within the next two years. I love the guy and want to don't get me wrong, I just thought I'd be able to live a little bit more before I got shackled.

I've only been to one concert, and it will probably be my only concert. My bf worries to much about me getting messed up and cheating on him and we have some different music tastes so I can't just take him with me.

I used to drink, and honestly, I miss it. I was screwing up my school so I quit. I was really looking forward to being able to hit a bar and not worry about a fake id or screwing up my grades. But the wedding my bf wants requires that I don't drink.

I wanted to be able to buy nice clothes for once, but married in two years, there won't be money for it. What with the wedding, honeymoon, then the rent for where ever we go, the money for food. There won't be money for nice clothes until possibly any kids we have are grown and out of the house.

My bf wants me to move with him out of state by the end of the year. So there goes the degree I wanted from the school I worked my *** off to get into. Who knows, I'll probably have to drop out so I can get a full time job to cover the expenses. I worked my *** off to get into one of the top ten schools for computer sciences, and I'll be trading it for a school that isn't even in the top 100.

I wanted to write a book and see if I could get some of my art displayed. Maybe even a job in concept art. But I'm not going to have time for it between a full-time job, trying to go to school, and a husband. Who knows, I might even have to get a second job like most Americans to cover expenses.

And he thinks that he'll be able to go to school and get a job as a lawyer and be able to pay all the bills and take care of everything. Ignoring the fact that after marriage few people are able to stay in school due to finances. And the fact that law school is extremely difficult and few people actually make it and even fewer make tons of money. And the fact that lawyers have the most student debt. He doesn't get we'll probably live in debt for most our lives and have to work 3 jobs just to scrape even.

I still love him and want to be with him, I just feel trapped by my future.
LostLotus LostLotus
22-25, F
1 Response Jan 7, 2011

this is a perfect reminder that love is not everything. You are at a time in your life that you have so much potential and if he loved you he'd want to see you grow where you can now.. not when some promise of everything will be okay in 10 years (which typically takes that long). If he was that smart he can get through schoool on scholarships and you litterly dont' pay for much. I doubt he is one of those people. <br />
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When you have children your live with stop and be focused on the children. That means everything is on hold.<br />
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Come to a comprise get engauged, but do the things that are important to you. like a education like the ability to express your talents. something that will work in the short and long term because putting all your eggs in one basket is a horrible idea if everything you ever wanted was suspending because of him. Love will not make it that much better.<br />
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If he wants to have a law degree let him support you first, you chase your dreams for 5 years and in the next 5 you support him in the next 10.. he's gonna need it. By then who knows? but you need to have something so you have backup as well.