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If Just One Thing Or One Area Would Be Okay

That's what I tell myself.  If just one area of my life were better or okay that would really help.  But right now things are pretty much in the er...toilette'  in every area.  I have a good job that I am not really great at and find that the job really depresses me.  I am trapped there though by the healthcare benefits and half way decent salary.  I feel trapped by my debt which I am trying to dig out of but that takes time.  I feel trapped by my health issues.  I feel trapped by my body and my health issues.  I also feel trapped by my very own personality.  I'm not really good with small talk and with starting up conversations or making new friends.  I try...I really do.  But somedays I don't try at all I guess.  I feel trapped in my relationships in real life.  The relationships aren't bad but neither are they good.  They are neutral entities revolving around my social atmosphere...neither close nor faraway....just there. 

And in all these I have a clear understanding in my brain that it is God I should be turning to to solve these things.  And when I'm in church that seems easy when singing praise songs and surrounded by Christians.  But when I get home to my little lonely apartment and the soft blue light of my only companion...my puter...it all seems much harder.  And God seems very far away and silent.  And I wonder how long I will thrash around and cry and feel desparate before I figure out what He wants me to do here.   

PrayerWhisperer PrayerWhisperer 46-50, F 42 Responses Jun 1, 2008

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"Kitchen Sink"


Nobody thinks what I think,
Nobody dreams when they blink
Think things on the brink of blasphemy
I'm my own shrink
Think things are after me, my catastrophe
At my kitchen sink, you don't know what that means
Because a kitchen sink to you
Is not a kitchen sink to me, ok friend?
Are you searching for purpose?
Then write something, yeah it might be worthless
Then paint something then, it might be wordless
Pointless curses, nonsense verses
You'll see purpose start to surface
No one else is dealing with your demons
Meaning maybe defeating them
Could be the beginning of your meaning, friend.

Go away
Leave me alone.

I so understand how you feel about being traped ,I to want the things others want but being very shy and overweight and having bedwetting and pants weting problem alone with others no onw knows how I feel its so lonely I pray to god most nights ask to find someone to just love me and want me, I want to know what its like to have a women smile at mes, to no what its like to be hugged but each year I get under I don't know why I am the way I am I have aways felt being a baby is mes but the world does not understand this and being hinest I don't eather but its just me,i find mysele crying more now days

The feeling of being trapped is a real and true state of mind. Wanting to end it all and move forward at the same time is a struggle for me. I thank you for your post, Im traped too. Just happy to know Im not alone in the struggle. Living for me is requirement not a want. Waiting for my day to come so I can exit with my love one. Him first , me second. Caring and loving another has made me want to be here a bit longer. Trapped is another word for "must live" i use. Thanks again.

We ALL feel MY WORD (SLYMEE) sometimes.....It's a feeling no DRUG....ORGASAM...or anything else fixes....TAKE YOUR TIME TO FIND PROJECTS YOU BELEIVE IN....THINGS THAT ARE "IMPORTANT" to UUUUUUU.<br />
ASK FOR HELP...Get a credit report and fix your credit. Join a Greenpeace project. Invent something...Do things for others. MOST OF OUR BIGGEST PROBLEMS IS WE SPEND TOO MUCH TIME WITH OURSELVES.

I talk to God in my head. People have said I am crazy, but I know it's him. Even sitting in the dark, crying, I know he's there to help me. Try asking him a question in bed, and wait for his reply.

I like that. I do talk to God too. I will try asking Him a question whne I'm in bed at night. God watch over you.

“When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be….” This ancient Eastern wisdom lies at the heart of letting go of the familiar. Making space for meeting your aspirations is a continuous leap away from what we know. Giving up our attachment to how we think it should be or what we expect it to look like is the open door that is usually waiting for us to see it.<br />
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The ironic thing is that the older we get, the less our inclination is to let go. The more invested you are in how things look and feel in your life, the less you are looking for another open door. It is easy to get too comfortable with the familiar. I am not sure if it is strength of heart or power of will that moves you beyond this comfort zone. Maybe a little of both. Like it or not, it is the only way into a life that evolves.

I agree.

I can relate - I was trapped in a job which had great pay. I was scared to leave, but wanted to as I didn't like the direction the company was heading. After a massive earthquake, I left town, and the job as I didn't want to stay in town - the place is still getting aftershocks. Nature got me out of that trap as I am now doing my dream-job!

I get how you feel and you have to a remind yourself that you could loose what you have. Work on it a little bit every day and it will get better. because believe me you can fall so much more than where youa re now. Count your blessing and thank god that you have another day to make the most of it.

A great philosopher said "happiness is the overcoming of not unknown obstacles towards a known goal."<br />
<br />
First find a goal - something you would like to do - don't let it be negative - positive goals. Like finding a new job that you would like to do. Then do things to help pull this goal off - like looking onthe internet for jobs, mocking up a CV, applying for jobs or whatever. <br />
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The advice people have given on helping others or doing a hibby is a very good advice. The amount of reward you get when you help others is terrific. And you will make friends with other people who would also like to help others. Or join classes to meet others who like to do similar hobbies to you.<br />
<br />
The more active you are - the better you will feel. The more still you are, you worse you will feel. <br />
<br />
This is the way out.<br />
<br />
Besides all of this, there are lot of lovely people who twitter who love to chat and make friends. You could also do this. <br />
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Why not start with a plan of something to do next weekend. <br />
<br />
Here's wishing you every happiness.

hey man i know. been there. its a constant thing, we cant relax. but everyday theres enough mercy to meet the challenges we face. look up nassim haramein to learn about the quantum field and hyper entity. if you learn about god consciousness its all good.

hey man i know. been there. its a constant thing, we cant relax. but everyday theres enough mercy to meet the challenges we face. look up nassim haramein to learn about the quantum field and hyper entity. if you learn about god consciousness its all good.

OMG, its like you are reading my spirit as I feel trapped by the same stuff. Neither bad just neutral, not fulfilling, just is and that is not enough to live a happy life! <br />
<br />
I couldn't of expressed it better myself especially the relationships with my friends... Stay strong and find your passion and never give up on it! Good luck!

OMG, its like you are reading my spirit as I feel trapped by the same stuff. Neither bad just neutral, not fulfilling, just is and that is not enough to live a happy life! <br />
<br />
I couldn't of expressed it better myself especially the relationships with my friends... Stay strong and find your passion and never give up on it! Good luck!

I think the best in life is those little golden moments and happiness is in those little treasured times. But I think sometimes your baseline gets too low. Things are going badly and the little things that make you happy still do but your bottom out place or baseline is too far down and it is much harder to reach the sunshine or even Sonshine (like reaching for Jesus) when you feel so far down. Did that make sense? I think it's really important to pray for each other and to pray for God to make us aware of others who are hurting. I don't think it's merely a nice Christian thing to do but absolutely essential to those around us who are wounded warriors. I think I am a wounded warrior right now. I still try to help those I can but sometimes I feel like a robot doing it. If it were not for Christ and my hope in Him, I would fall into the abyss for sure. Nevertheless, I struggle to find even the energy or focus to pray right now. <br />
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My brother...I have had Christmas Eve with him for the last 43 years. This year his wife wanted to go practice for a program her family performs in every year at Christmas Day. My brother said I couldn't come at all but then I started to cry on the phone. He called me back and said I could be with him and his family from 4:30 to 6:30 pm on Christmas Eve. I went and it was a nice time but the whole time I could feel my sister-in-law's eagerness to get going. It was like a duty to perform....her christian duty. But it didn't feel much like love. And I spent a lonely Christmas Eve night in a hotel room. Funny how Christmas doesn't feel much about Jesus love anymore. My brother had a wonderful time with his wife's family by the way. So I guess that's good. I wish I had had a wonderful Christmas, but my Christmas was lonely. I think my sister-in-law was waiting the last 18years for my parents to both be dead so she could be back to her family's for both Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. She got her wish this year. Dad went to heaven. I am angry but trying not to be...but kind of unsuccessfully at this moment, but I put on a good face when I was with them. Her family are golden people. There is no doubt about that. I, being one little boring divorcee with no kids, cannot compete with golden people. To meet her you would think my sister-in-law a wonderful Godly woman, but she sure hurt me this year. It's hard for me to see the God in her right now.

Yeah, life is a big world out there. But remember that lady/man or girl/boy who smile or said something that stop your thoughts. OR what the guy on radio said. Or how you help that person when they needed someone most.<br />
Don't you think they're the things that set you free.

When I read your story, it was as if I had written it myself. There are a few differences in my life but the end is the same. Because of my health, I can't work so my days are filled by sitting in my apartment watching TV, unable to participate in most physical activities and feeling lost to the world. Like you, I have thought about finding God again and returning to church but I don't even have the energy to do that now. In the last ten years my life has changed so drastically that I am finding it difficult to come to terms with it or even attempt to change it. Some would say that I am bitter and I can understand why they would have that opinion but they couldn't be further from the truth. I just don't feel that I have anything to offer. I know it will get better and I am trying to be optimistic, it's just hard sometimes.

Good luck, I've been left alone far too long now I think.

I completely understand how you feel. You are definitely not alone. I feel like every area of my life isnt working either and I dont know how to change it. <br />
It feels like my world keeps getting smaller and smaller. <br />
I have lost so many of my friends and I dont know why? <br />
I feel like nothing in my life is working and I can't be happy for other people b/c I feel like nothing is working out for me. I have a job that pays okay but I dont really have great relationships with anyone. My social life is barely non existent. My love life... ha, whats that? <br />
My family life is awful and I feel very alone. <br />
Its really hard b/c its difficult to know where to turn. <br />
My life feels extremely empty and without love. It feels like there isn't any meaning to it... it feels like I am just existing but not really living... <br />
So I definitely can relate to you and what you are going through. I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone. There are other people who are dealing with the exact same things.

And in all these I have a clear understanding in my brain that it is God I should be turning to to solve these things. And when I'm in church that seems easy when singing praise songs and surrounded by Christians.<br />
<br />
This feeling you get in the above scenerio is not turning to God for your problems- it is a blessing for being in that situation, but in real life you need to methodically look at your life, set some goals and strive for them one step at a time until you have developed a solid foundation for your life in all areas- once you have done that it gets easier and you don't have to be so carefully focused- but for now you must develop the discipline to do this. If you do not have goals that you are completing a step towards each day on a regular basis you will not be able to get you out of this rut. Mind you if you have some sort of charming charisma (and it sounds like you have the American sort) than if you stay there long enough someone will come along and bail you out- and you probably won't notice it wasn't you that got yourself out- if you are that sort of person. But the best way for most people to get out of ruts is to build their circumstances, character, and values themselves through goals that you strive for daily (and of course in doing this you will meet people as well and develop friendships along the way). If you do not know how to set goals, just make a list of everything wrong in your life and steps you can start taking to improve things. You will be happy with every little step you achieve.<br />
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Misfortune is not our fault, but we can change our circumstances. ALL people have untapped power of choice. Meanwhile as you are moving to improve your life, accept all your circumstances as they are and see the beauty in them- there really is beauty in ALL circumstances and how they look actually depends on how you fr<x>ame them. Some of the most well known paintings are of the most destitute people and circumstances in the world. There is a sort of romanticism in them because they are unique situations and the people going through them can make whatever they want out of them as you attempt to work your way out of them.

maybe u r doing exactly what he wants you to do. get out of debt slowly with no distractions--i have many 'acquaintance friendships' like you, not close, just there. hang on in there and get financially ok. :)

UPDATE: I still feel somewhat trapped I cannot lie there. But my father has passed away and though I miss him so much I am also relieved his suffering is done. Anyway who has journeyed with a loved one through terminal illness knows how exhausting and frustrating it is. So many ups and downs, and though you would not trade one second that you had with them, it is so hard to watch them suffer and not be able to help or fix. <br />
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Another important change is that my best friend that I had been really in a rollercoaster ride of a friendship with...we had a falling out when I finally confronted her on some issues. She was pretty hurtful towards me and did not deal with the issues I brought up but threw a lot of stuff at me which I now realize where defensive responses. And we haven't communicated in a few months and with that has come some relief. Although I am still angry with her and need to work on that, I now understand that I deserve a best friend who is actually there for me and who treats me with respect. The way this friend was treating me was beginning to give me a skewed perspective on how others would treat me. I had no idea the amount of toxins that was spreading in my mind until the relationship broke off. So for any of you out there who have a toxic relationship, take a hard look at things. I'm not advocating ending relationships, but sometimes you have to step back. I'm really glad I did. Soooo glad!!! It's opened the door for new friends and while I have a ways to go until I have someone I'm super close to, I am working on bringing new folks into my life and that has been very good. So that's it for me for now. Hang in there everyone and God watch over you.

-take a class or hobby, start the interview process. You sound depressed so maybe meds would help. You obviously like good conversation not small talk - me neither - so that is o.k. Do you have a dog/do you journal? Pray for like minded friends in or out of church. I am so sorry. Hope you take a step on the right path soon.x

I know how things can look when you get under the weather, and I have a tactic that helps, even though it doesn't tackle the underlying brain chemistry of the problem. Instead of concentrating on what feels wrong in your life, look at what's going right, and how it could be better. In your story, you described a lot of wonderful things you have going for you. Sure, things might not be perfect, but they could be a lot worse. It sounds like you're moving your life in the right direction, and you should be proud of that, and confident that things are getting better.

that's a good idea morgan because when I look at everything I get too overwhelmed but if I could concentrate on one thing...yes maybe that would help for sure!

I have totally been there, and there are days when I feel like I still am. What usually makes me feel better (even by a few degrees) is to come up with a very definitive plan of how I can in one area or another make my life better. I may not be able to do everything now, but coming up with a timeline and/or a check-list helps motivate me and gets me through even just another day. Maybe it will work for you... Hang in there.

I'm surprised by the amount of thoughts and advice, but I think that means I'm not alone in my struggle. So for all of you out there who are my partners in this struggle called life on planet earth, may God hold you up and give you peace despite everything and know we are not so alone in the struggle. :)

Failure to bond? That could be a clue.<br />
<br />
Another possible clue is the attraction to the church group – in a good group, the social order and the rules are extremely simplified and softened.<br />
<br />
Take the word “Asperger’s” and surf the net. The shrinks give a good description of a very superficial view. But they have no clue as to what’s really happening underneath and why. If any of it rings a bell, I can take you on a little field trip.<br />
<br />
Check out WrongPlanet.net, and find out just how deep the rabbit hole goes.<br />
<br />
My name over there is Tttahiti.

i know exactly how you feel. thats how i feel every day. everything is a struggle. waiting for something to get better, so you can finally say i have something to keep me alive

You will thrash around until you decide to take control and step forward. Many say they trust that God will get them out of a particular situation, but how many believe that God has already CREATED a path out of the situation? You just have to start down that path (a different one from the one you are on) and have faith that God will walk it with you.<br />
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"Be bold and mighty forces will come to your aid." --Goethe<br />
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I'm cheering for you.

OK this is some tough crap.<br />
it is not how many times you find your butt in the dirt but how many times you GET UP, dust yourself off and get back in the game slugger.<br />
it sounds like everyday life is kicking you in the head. <br />
about the job......<br />
man, we all have jobs, some people are blessed and have jobs they like. some people have to get a crappy job until they can find a job they can tolerate.<br />
don't mean to sound too preachy.... but be thankful for having a job . and for now, do the work at hand.<br />
the debt...<br />
a wise man (will rogers) once said when you find yourself in a hole the first thing you need to do is stop digging.<br />
throw down your shovel! figure out what it is that is causing your debt. if it is stuff... you don't need it. <br />
clothes go out of style. stuff breaks. do a "clean sweep"<br />
it is soooo liberating.<br />
your health issues....<br />
I have no clue what they are but most people do not do these things...<br />
take care of yourself. drink plenty of water. eat right and get enough rest. sounds so 8th grade health class I know <br />
the friends...<br />
sounds like you are just slow to warm up to people. we are all human and it is perfectly ok not to be as outgoing as everyone else is. but if you think it is a problem <br />
examine why. <br />
the church thing...<br />
again not to be preachy, but a good church family and some bible based lessons may help you find what you are searching for. try not to go to a church that is surrounded by a tall fence or stockpiles weapons or anything else that sounds "compoundish" LOL<br />
be strong and know that I will pray for the Lord to ease the burden that you feel.