If Just One Thing Or One Area Would Be Okay

I think the best in life is those little golden moments and happiness is in those little treasured times. But I think sometimes your baseline gets too low. Things are going badly and the little things that make you happy still do but your bottom out place or baseline is too far down and it is much harder to reach the sunshine or even Sonshine (like reaching for Jesus) when you feel so far down. Did that make sense? I think it's really important to pray for each other and to pray for God to make us aware of others who are hurting. I don't think it's merely a nice Christian thing to do but absolutely essential to those around us who are wounded warriors. I think I am a wounded warrior right now. I still try to help those I can but sometimes I feel like a robot doing it. If it were not for Christ and my hope in Him, I would fall into the abyss for sure. Nevertheless, I struggle to find even the energy or focus to pray right now.

My brother...I have had Christmas Eve with him for the last 43 years. This year his wife wanted to go practice for a program her family performs in every year at Christmas Day. My brother said I couldn't come at all but then I started to cry on the phone. He called me back and said I could be with him and his family from 4:30 to 6:30 pm on Christmas Eve. I went and it was a nice time but the whole time I could feel my sister-in-law's eagerness to get going. It was like a duty to perform....her christian duty. But it didn't feel much like love. And I spent a lonely Christmas Eve night in a hotel room. Funny how Christmas doesn't feel much about Jesus love anymore. My brother had a wonderful time with his wife's family by the way. So I guess that's good. I wish I had had a wonderful Christmas, but my Christmas was lonely. I think my sister-in-law was waiting the last 18years for my parents to both be dead so she could be back to her family's for both Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. She got her wish this year. Dad went to heaven. I am angry but trying not to be...but kind of unsuccessfully at this moment, but I put on a good face when I was with them. Her family are golden people. There is no doubt about that. I, being one little boring divorcee with no kids, cannot compete with golden people. To meet her you would think my sister-in-law a wonderful Godly woman, but she sure hurt me this year. It's hard for me to see the God in her right now.

hi hon...i understand completely. i am single and have much the same problems you describe here. it's like when the worship, song, prayer, and communion with others ends, you feel so alone again and sort of lost. i tend to play a lot of music when i'm home alone. music is my regulator of emotions and can lift me out of all the negative things in my life i don't like. i give myself the gift of new music every week. if you go on www.limewire.com, you can download the free limewire program and listen to so many free tracks. the tracks are shared amongst users so it's quite legal. i fill the void with music myself.
i understand what it's like to be stuck at a job with health problems. when you have health issues, health insurance benefits are everything. have you tried escaping your life for just a little each week? giving yourself a nice treat of a great novel and good music? sometimes just escaping our undesireable reality can give us the strength to keep existing in it.
also, you can try some free online tv and movies at www.sidereel.com and www.tv.blinkx.com. all just like limewire, and all free and viewable if you have highspeed.
meditation is great too, using music, for taking yourself out of your reality. sounds like you just need a break from your norm hon! you deserve it! give yourself the best treat...a vacation from the norm!
i hope this helps a little. i know there isn't always a magical solution, but i hope some of the things that get you down can be worked out sometime in the future too. you are in my prayers.
*hugs you gently*