No One Listens.

I wish someone would just sit and listen to me for once. No one seems to really hear what I have to say. I might be able to deal with things better if someone would just LISTEN...especially my mother. It all goes in one ear and out the other with her. And she has always liked to turn a blind eye and pretend nothing is happening. I want to deal with my issues, not bottle them up, and she often tries to palm me off on some therapist, but I've tried that, and talking to them never helps. Mum says that I can talk to her about anything, then when I try she doesn't listen, she yells or she brings up things that have nothing to do with what I'm saying, and causes an argument. She just makes me feel so wretched sometimes. She just does not listen, doesn't understand.

Even when I'm not trying to talk about problems or feelings... if I'm just talking in general, giving my opinion, or telling someone a fact, no one will listen. If they're asking a question and I answer it, they don't take much notice of my answer.  They'll just half-heartedly listen, nod, say "yeah," and brush me off. I never say anything about it, but it really does bother me. A lot of the adults in my life do it, because they think they're superior to me and that I've got nothing valid to contribute - though at eighteen, I'm technically an adult myself. Sometimes they look at me like I'm a young child that they're being forced to tolerate. I think that's wrong, too...everyone deserves to be listened to, really listened to, no matter their age.

Since I'm very reserved and shy, and I have social anxiety, I tend to keep my thoughts to myself. I usually feel like I have nothing good to contribute, nothing interesting to say, that no one is going to care what I have to say. I'm so afraid of being shot down that I rarely ever offer anything up. So people seem to think I don't HAVE any thoughts. That's ridiculous. I do. And people brushing me off as they do doesn't help with these insecurities. The few times I've tried to speak to people, the few times I've finally thought that I have something valid, something interesting to contribute, they pay no mind to anything that comes out of my mouth. This doesn't exactly make me want to speak more. It really is ridiculous to assume that, because someone's shy, they've got nothing on their mind, nothing to say, they're not worth hearing.

I have things to say. I have a lot of opinions. 
You just won't hear them. 
Ragelovelumos Ragelovelumos
18-21, F
3 Responses Apr 13, 2012

With family members it can be really hard for them to acknowledge you as an adult if you've only just become one.<br />
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With your mum - did you tell her that you tried to talk to her but feel like she doesnt listen? <br />
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If people are giving you the brush off when you reply/talk to them and you're very reserved and shy it's probably just the way you come across to them.<br />
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Im battling with something at the moment. I know I can be confident with people, make them laugh, like and listen to me but because I let that side of myself slide so much I find it really hard to do it now and if Im not feeling confident about myself when I talk, it shows and I can tell people can tell and it makes them not want to talk to me.<br />
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Think of someone you admire for their communication skills or charisma - someone you like to listen to - eg Barack Obama? Some people hate him but you can't deny he's a really good orator.<br />
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What you might try to do is emulate the charismatic person you admire - in small ways at first but just keep telling yourself that you are confident and you're going to speak with a clear and confident voice.<br />
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When you're about to speak, take a very brief moment to remember this (I am confident and I'm going to speak with a clear and confident voice) and then speak. Put everything else from your mind other than the fact you're going to talk with confidence and just speak.<br />
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The more you do this the easier it becomes and you wont even need to mentally tell yourself to speak with confidence because you'll be doing it naturally.

I've tried telling myself I'm going to be confident before, and it doesn't work, it merely distracts me. I am never going to be a confident, charismatic person. And I don't want to emulate anyone. Some people are shy, and some aren't. That shouldn't matter. If you're talking and someone's got something to contribute, whether or not they're shy, why not listen? They might surprise you. I just hate it that people assume, because I'm shy, that I've got nothing good to say. They'll never know if they just let everything I say fly right by them. As for my mother, I've talked to her about it many a time. She insists that she listens, but hearing is not the same as listening.

Not everyone is as enlightened as you and I though. I spent years of my life listening intently to everything everyone else said because I believe they were so much more interesting than myself.

I agree with you that everyone should be heard and everyone should listen but that won't change a broken world.

The only advice I could offer was my previous post - I dont want to be shy and unconfident around people - that's not me. It's so much more pleasurable and rewarding to see people really interested in what you have to say/laugh at your jokes etc.

That's true...I do get what you're saying. And I really wish I could be more confident, at least a little. I'm an introvert, and not the type of person to make people laugh or anything, but it'd be nice to be able to talk to people with a little more confidence behind my words, 'cause as you said, you can't fix a broken world, and people just don't listen to me because I'm so shy. But I really don't think I'm ever going to improve much.

Hey if there's hope for a guy like me then there's hope for a girl like you ^^

1 More Response

I'm way younger than you,but I have that same problem. But I tried something that I read in a book called speak. Where I don't talk. But people doen't listen to me because I have no point in anything, no job, not a rollmodel, not funny or popular, just a random 10th grader with a "hotty" brother, that's the only reason why people will talk to me, to see where my brother is at. So don't talk. It annoys people. Just stare at them, and raise your eyebrows like you're saying "oh, I don't car" and eventually they'll be begging you to talk. Moms in particular, especially if you're the oldest one. <br />
Sounds kinda dumb, I know but it worked for me, so good luck, wish you the best

Actually, it doesn't sound dumb, but I think with my family members it would be the opposite of effective. They would only blow up at me for being insolent. But it sounds like it could work pretty well at school, though.

People don't care about what's going in your head. Just try to research a little bit in the internet and try to find your own answers ^_^

People don't necessarily have to care... but people cannot expect me to sit there and listen to everything they've got to say, and then just let my side of things fly right over their heads. And that constantly happens.

I'm also not looking for answers.