He Doesn't Touch Me Anymore

He used to hug me, kiss me, hold me, rub my feet & shoulders, etc. Lately my fiance hasn't been doing these things. He pulls away when I try to kiss him. I asked him about it. He said he thought we were far enough into our relationship to feel "comfortable" so why should he do these things? I was crushed. I felt so sad when he said this. To me, rather you have known each other for two years or two hundred.....why would you stop touching each other? I try to continue to show him affection by touch even though he doesn't reciprocate. I have let him know that this is important to me. Although he didn't say it outright, he made me sound like I was "needy" and that I should focus on other things instead. I don't know how I am going to handle this in the long run. I love being touched.
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12 Responses Dec 27, 2011

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Many women are battling the same issue that you're dealing with, such as myself. Affection is a necessity to most women. I think the most important point to make is that once you tell your spouse about how you feel, he/she should compromise. Not showing enough affection or none at all can be for numerous reason, and no, not just cheating. Some men are turned off by too much affection. At the end of the day, it's about you. Of course you are not going to get everything you want in a relationship, however feeling unwanted shouldn't be one of those sacrifices. Your spouse not showing enough affection leads to feeling unwanted or unappreciated, which in turn puts a damper on your relationship and self-esteem. There are plenty of fishes in the sea who can treat you like the queen you are. You have one life to live and don't settle with one who can't meet your needs.

My boyfriend has started to do the same to me this past week, we have been together a year and a half and has now started to say that im "forcing myself on him" ive stopped asking for kisses and cuddles and its been four days without anything, i feel like he doesnt care about me anymore and it gets me very upset. hes also being very protective with his phone and has even changed his passwords, i love him so much i just dont no what to do anymore

Its amazing to see how many women are in the same situtation. Just read all these comments!! I'm also sad to say that I feel the same way. I am actually making less time for him now because I am focusing on MY obligations and MY life, and I'm NOT waiting around for him anymore. I've explained to him that I am truthfully busy, and I jave also talked to him about our lack of affection, which he didn't have an answer for. Has chivalry and romance died or what? I feel like I'm already moving on even though I'm in this relationship with him, and I'm hoping he will get frustrated and say "I can't do this anymore if I can't see you,". This way tyere arent such harsh feelings involved either. Ladies, don't allow yourselves to be treated with neglect like this. It really takes a toll on your self esteem :( There are plenty of guys out there, you need to find the ones who have what you want and who wont just charm you with their good side the first few months.

I know how you feel. I am going through the samething.

I have been dating a guy for ten months we spend every day together he would go home and When He would leave he would start a fight with me for no reason than he would come back and everything would be okay he use to want to be near me all the time kiss and touch me cuddle me a night now there is nothing and seems like he wants me too tell him to go home but i don't want him to leave i love him oh and its like if i don't have anything to give him he is gone i love. This man at first her was there for some bad Times but now he seems distant he won't even intrudes me to Any of his friends and when he is on the phone he goes in a different room what should i do he also calls me names say i setting someone else and that i was a ***** when i was younger witch isn't true i can't even go with my mom without him calling me ten times

I know how you feel... My boyfriend of 6 years doesn't touch me the way he used to... I mean I understand we have kids, and the affection is hard when were being interrupted by something or another, but when we lay in bed, and I kiss him his neck and his chest and show him what I need, it's like he doesn't read the clues that I need it too... Now adays it's like we just ****, and that's it... No passionate lovemaking, no making out, he barely touches me, I've even spoken to him about it countless times... Practically begging for his touch! This last time was my last straw we were in bed... I hugged him and kissed him, ran my fingers thru his hair, and all he did was take off his shorts and waited for me to jump on him... When I asked for some sort of affection he said... "I have a lot on my mind, I feel numb, I don't wanna do anything..." It broke me so much! I told him that I did too, but I still showed him affection showed him he was still important to me, he just laid there... I told him forget it said I just want what I've been giving you... He said nothing and pulled his shorts back up... I turned around and started to cry... I will give him some credit, he turned to me and held me, but I didn't even get a kiss or an I'll try more... I pushed his hand away and told him I wasn't tired and now I'm in the living room watching dirty jobs, still crying... And he's fast asleep like he doesn't care that I practically begged him to touch me like he used to... I've dressed up for him, wore things he liked... And still nothing... I don't know what to do anymore... I know he loves me, and there's so many things going on in our lives, but I need the same affection I give him... Is it really too much to ask?

May I ask how this panned out? I am in the exact same situation (scarily so) and I am beginning to get compassion fatigue. Except the only difference with me situation is that there is no sex!

Hi lizzy! I wrote this post a year ago! When things were rough between us! We are so much better now! It took a lot for us to figure it out! lots of fights, and conversations about frivilous things! But we figured it out! We still have our hiccups but it's not something to work out overnight! We told each other that we have to be honest, and truthful and try to talk about things, but of course this is a two way street! It won't work if one of you isn't completely commuted to each other!!!!

Hi girl i really feel you in on same situation just cried my heart out. Begging for him to touch me he told me wich i know that he was raised in a harsh family no phisical contact. Wich is not important to him but i explained with deep talking and sobbing to him thats extreamly important to me million times the thing is i know to d long run i will not survive neglecting feeling. Wich i was neglected by my own fhater. I will not tolarate but im 6 mhonts pregnant from him.and it keeps me back :( these man wr just asking for priceless love and yet they keep there hands for them selves now i feel i have to close my self and shut down il try not to kiss him and hug him for long time. Il try ! I love him so much and i know he love me to hes always around me .but dam whyyy whyyy

He is using this technique to control you. His actions are meant to deplete your self esteem. And that's exactly what will happen if you allow him to continue. Before you marry him you need to step back and ask yourself if a life without affection is what you really want. And believe me, if he's going to the extent of name calling (needy) he's already abusing you. Actually, witholding affection is abuse.

15 years ago I married a prince. The courtship that was bestowed upon me was one in a fairytail. He always showed me how much he loved and cared for me. Kissed me in public, held my hand, showed me off. That was then....how, he walks in the door and barely says "hey". He'll go over to the kids and hug them then pet the dog. I hve told him time and time agian that it hurts to be treated like a doormat, like I am invisible. I am a very romantic person, I love to be touched, to be held, to be appreciated. I don't know what to do. I just turned 38 this past weekend and I told myself that I would not waste another 15 years of my life on a man that simply doesn't care about me. Maybe there is someone out here that can love me the way that I want and need to be loved. I can tell you that I would love him the same way.

I know exactly what that is like, my Ex-boyfriend was affectionate in the first two months and then after moving in with him, he started showing less and less affection and then 3 years later affection and intimacy was 3 times a year. He also would push me away and I felt so rejected and unloved, I felt after all that time wasted with someone I eventually gave up because he was not going to change and be loving and affectionate anymore so I broke up with him. I would rather be alone than be with someone and feel alone.

something has to be going on with him. sounds like he might have found someone else

i'm with you it shouldn't matter how long you have been together, sound like you should really think of if you love him enough to marry him and for him not to show you affection? i myself have been in that kind of relationship and had to walk away because i knew there was someone out there who would love and show me some affection, and i love my husband for that, i've always said actions speaks louder then words, and it's true i love it when my husband touches me or holds me or even kisses me it lets me know i'm loved, and same with him