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He Doesn't Touch Me Anymore

He used to hug me, kiss me, hold me, rub my feet & shoulders, etc. Lately my fiance hasn't been doing these things. He pulls away when I try to kiss him. I asked him about it. He said he thought we were far enough into our relationship to feel "comfortable" so why should he do these things? I was crushed. I felt so sad when he said this. To me, rather you have known each other for two years or two hundred.....why would you stop touching each other? I try to continue to show him affection by touch even though he doesn't reciprocate. I have let him know that this is important to me. Although he didn't say it outright, he made me sound like I was "needy" and that I should focus on other things instead. I don't know how I am going to handle this in the long run. I love being touched.
deleted deleted 26-30 6 Responses Dec 27, 2011

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I know how you feel... My boyfriend of 6 years doesn't touch me the way he used to... I mean I understand we have kids, and the affection is hard when were being interrupted by something or another, but when we lay in bed, and I kiss him his neck and his chest and show him what I need, it's like he doesn't read the clues that I need it too... Now adays it's like we just ****, and that's it... No passionate lovemaking, no making out, he barely touches me, I've even spoken to him about it countless times... Practically begging for his touch! This last time was my last straw we were in bed... I hugged him and kissed him, ran my fingers thru his hair, and all he did was take off his shorts and waited for me to jump on him... When I asked for some sort of affection he said... "I have a lot on my mind, I feel numb, I don't wanna do anything..." It broke me so much! I told him that I did too, but I still showed him affection showed him he was still important to me, he just laid there... I told him forget it said I just want what I've been giving you... He said nothing and pulled his shorts back up... I turned around and started to cry... I will give him some credit, he turned to me and held me, but I didn't even get a kiss or an I'll try more... I pushed his hand away and told him I wasn't tired and now I'm in the living room watching dirty jobs, still crying... And he's fast asleep like he doesn't care that I practically begged him to touch me like he used to... I've dressed up for him, wore things he liked... And still nothing... I don't know what to do anymore... I know he loves me, and there's so many things going on in our lives, but I need the same affection I give him... Is it really too much to ask?

He is using this technique to control you. His actions are meant to deplete your self esteem. And that's exactly what will happen if you allow him to continue. Before you marry him you need to step back and ask yourself if a life without affection is what you really want. And believe me, if he's going to the extent of name calling (needy) he's already abusing you. Actually, witholding affection is abuse.

15 years ago I married a prince. The courtship that was bestowed upon me was one in a fairytail. He always showed me how much he loved and cared for me. Kissed me in public, held my hand, showed me off. That was, he walks in the door and barely says "hey". He'll go over to the kids and hug them then pet the dog. I hve told him time and time agian that it hurts to be treated like a doormat, like I am invisible. I am a very romantic person, I love to be touched, to be held, to be appreciated. I don't know what to do. I just turned 38 this past weekend and I told myself that I would not waste another 15 years of my life on a man that simply doesn't care about me. Maybe there is someone out here that can love me the way that I want and need to be loved. I can tell you that I would love him the same way.

I know exactly what that is like, my Ex-boyfriend was affectionate in the first two months and then after moving in with him, he started showing less and less affection and then 3 years later affection and intimacy was 3 times a year. He also would push me away and I felt so rejected and unloved, I felt after all that time wasted with someone I eventually gave up because he was not going to change and be loving and affectionate anymore so I broke up with him. I would rather be alone than be with someone and feel alone.

something has to be going on with him. sounds like he might have found someone else

i'm with you it shouldn't matter how long you have been together, sound like you should really think of if you love him enough to marry him and for him not to show you affection? i myself have been in that kind of relationship and had to walk away because i knew there was someone out there who would love and show me some affection, and i love my husband for that, i've always said actions speaks louder then words, and it's true i love it when my husband touches me or holds me or even kisses me it lets me know i'm loved, and same with him