Life...i Guess

I walk a path where I am free yet alone. I walk among the ghosts of dead friends and family I can see their faces clearly like it was yesterday yet no one around me understands the pain I feel. I wish i could feel something, anything but I can't. I am completely numb to everything and i just survive. I don't live I just make it. I am constantly tired of trying to feel something that should be there and it's just not their anymore. I feel like it doesn't even matter at times what is going on around me I can stay calm in the middle of the storm and it doesn't bug me. I lash out more and more often. I just do what I have to do and nothing else. It's starting to become a problem for me to accomplish everything I want to when my head isn't in the game. It's starting to look like a long black road that I don't like traveling but I must. It is the driving force in my life. I have noticed changes within me, first of all I am the same size I was at 13 and the second is I don't care about anything really. I make sure my kids are happy and taken care of and that's about it. I can't seem to get out of my funk and I miss a dear friend of mine more than I ever imagined. It wasn't supposed to be like this but it is and I am left to deal with the pieces. Life has shattered what is left of my heart, and I have burned away the pieces. I will travel in darkness for the light has forsaken me and has shown me what happens when I finally have happiness. 
kitkat1989 kitkat1989
22-25, F
1 Response May 12, 2012

The darkness consumes me I am just so numb to the world anymore i really don't care about it. My drive is my kids and that's all I ever need. The darkness is my home and I like it better than the light. The darkness and shadows prevent me from ever being hurt and I would rather be alone than hurt or suffer the loss of someone else in my life. I am stronger than ever and I am me that will not be forgotten however I will choose the dark as it suits me.