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Easily Forgotten...............

I know the feeling all too well. I wake up some days and push myself to get out of bed. Get in my car and drive to work. Thought that enters my mind is maybe this is the day that my tire blows out on the freeway and my car goes out of control off the cliff being an end to my misery. Or maybe a train or a truck plows into me. Everyday it never happens and I am forced to press on knowing that nobody wants me or is even curious about me. Not even one. I get looks all the time that seems like people just want to burn me at the stake. I try and attempt some pleasant conversation with people and they snub me off. I feel like asking everyone I see what is so undesirable about me. Then again I can't even get anyone to talk to me. I feel myself dying on the inside. I am being eaten alive and there is nobody that wants to help. I watched my dad get eaten up by cancer where he finally gave up with his battle on Easter morning. It was sad to see that the only person that wanted to be by his side was me. Nobody else was there or wanted to be. So is this what I am to expect in my closing days/hours. Except I don't have a son to be by my side. Safe to say that it will be an empty chair for me. I would give up everything I have just for one day with someone who actually wanted me, and wanted to be with me. What does it even feel like to be wanted. I am so use to feeling unwanted that I know nothing else. Two words to describe my life. Suffering and Misery. The one good thing I have going for me though is that I am able to wake up everyday and experience life again. Even how miserable I may feel, I still have that one shred of joy to hang on to. Can life really be this cruel, where there are some who may not ever experience what it is like to feel wanted or loved. Gives me a sinking feeling in stomach and really puts me in a sad mood. I have more tears left to cry out................
onmyknees21 onmyknees21 26-30 1 Response Jul 1, 2012

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The same thing with me too...I always feel rejected by everyone I meet, and then there are some days when I feel accepted and loved and I ask myself why..and then my thoughts go crazy because even if I find the answer why people like me I doubt in it and then it is all lost.But I also noticed something, is that when I don't care to much about what other people think of me I feel much better and surprisingly, accepted.Sometimes it's all in my head, the way I interpret things. But it isn't always like that, of course some people won't and some people will like you. There is not a single person in the world that is liked by everyone. Even Jesus our Lord had it's haters.God Bless you!Take care