It Is Not L-o-v-e !

In my life , I have this kind of belief between my parents and me . A belief where , I , an unwanted child , an unloved daughter , that she has delivered yet she has to raise me up because their wishes didn't come true to have a son back then.
When I was a little kid , too little to understand , I was always questioning myself , what it took to make them proud of me , as their daughter . Was it getting good grades , being a well mannered daughter or being an admirable example for my younger siblings ? But , I could not find the answer because nothing was right in those eyes.
When I was 8 , for the first time , I saw those eyes were shining like the brightest stars , those lips smiled happily and they were ultimate happy carrying their first and only son . I was really glad but slowly I could feel the distance as the newborn baby was growing up . I pushed the craps feelings away as my mom said ' He's a baby , younger than you , so I've to give more attention on him'. I believed in those words and vanished out every cloudy thoughts that started to nesting in me.
As I grew up a bit , when all other kids were warmed and supported by what they called parent's love , where I had no clue what it felt like since I never had for all my life - again - I asked myself to find the answers that may lie beneath me. Had I done wrong ? Did I trouble them too much ? Am I too difficult to be loved ? I was really envy of those fortune kids and prayed I was one of them. I tried and tried and never stopped to make my parents loved me , for me . I entered 'story telling' , represented the school and won . The only winner that be able to go to the final . I was on cloud nine , the air felt so good and immediately went home. I , wanted to get a proud of hug but I guess I was asking too much . As I told her I won , the only words that came out from that mouth, were cutting me like knives. All my joy was disappeared , gone ! Regret slowly lingered around me . She said 'You should have done better in studies'. I was very sorry because I didn't know it was wrong to develop my talent . I was very sorry for disappointing her and being happy for winning a small matter. And I added more griefs on them , for having a daughter like me , when I failed to get straight A's. I didn't feel upset for failing but I couldn't bear being pushed away by your own parents . I was hurt , though .
After seeing how they treat my little brother nicely and warmly , how they always grant whatever his wishes , how their anger never lasted even for an hour , how she threw me away because fighting with him , how she blew up towards me for disturbing her nursing him , how they never cared what I eat , how they rarely say they love me , how they never hug me tightly , how he is always be their first priority , how the realities are what it is and how they love him unconditionally , ultimately - I come to this belief .I'm not envying of him , I just was too naive .
And I have realized now . Finally got myself the answers after being treated , like this , for 18 years long . I , can see everything clearly now . I , know all the reasons behind the whys . I should have listened to my heart , right from the start. I should have known , should have .
I , UNLUCKY !
Unlucky enough to be born in this family , because I , an unwanted child .
For all the good deeds they have done , it isn't love . It's an investment , for future .
For all the right things they have made , it isn't love . It's a psychology , for make me believes.
For all the acts they put on , it isn't love , it's humanity , for pitying me .
I am an unwanted person , no one wants and no one loves .
It just takes me too long to stop fantasizing on what could have been and
long enough for them to admit the truth !
I was too silly- for envisaging a perfect day will come , someday ...