Me Too

It is not a happy experience but I have felt this a lot. The sense that, whatever you do or say counts for little or nothing. Still, I am in good company. Although this was not intended as a religious treatise, read the melancholy words of Mother Theresa, for instance:-

“Lord, my God, who am I that You should forsake me? The child of your love - and now become as the most hated one - the one You have thrown away as unwanted - unloved. I call, I cling, I want - and there is no One to answer, no One on Whom I can cling. The darkness is so dark, and I am alone. Unwanted, forsaken. The loneliness of the heart that wants love is unbearable. Where is my faith? Even deep down, there is nothing but emptiness and darkness. ...If there be God, please forgive me. Trust that all will end in Heaven with Jesus. When I try to raise my thoughts to Heaven there is such convicting emptiness that those very thoughts return like sharp knives and hurt my very soul. Love, the word, it brings nothing. I am told God loves me, yet the reality of darkness and coldness and emptiness is so great that nothing touches my soul."

There can have been few saints subject to such doubts about the very existence of God as this.

sichtbar sichtbar 46-50 7 Responses Sep 8, 2009

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Thank you for such a thoughtful, heartfelt and clearly expressed comment, tmeans. Sometimes, on EP, the comments raise a story to a higher level. I feel that this is very much the case, here. Don't assume that God has not answered you, even if you do not hear or sense anything. I am sure my prayers have been heard, although I have only had one experience, after many anguished prayers at an altar rail, of being told that my prayers had been answered - not by an audible voice, but by an inner one, so strong and clear that I immediately ceased my supplications, said thank you and went away. Within just a few days, what I had prayed for had come to pass.

This thread, as short as it is/was has spoken to my heart. Especially Old Mother. Sometimes I just want to hear God answer me, I need Him to reveal to me my destiny other than to just be here for my daughter. Let me get on with His plan, so I can complete my work here and come on home. I'm tired of just existing. I just pray that in His plan for my daughter and my sister that having a mate - a God ordained mate is apart of it. Not that I feel that being a part of a couple by any means results in happiness and joy, because that is something you have to have regardless, because God is the giver of both, no outside source should ever take that way, but in that same sense, we have to deal with the curse given to Eve to desire to have a relationship to be with a mate. Sometimes it's harder to swollen and praise without pain consuming you. The one thing that keeps me from going deep into a temper tantrum is the fact that I know that wave of pain (labor pains, if you will) will pass (and that He really doesn't care if I have one or not - like any other earthly parent with a child). There will be better days, weeks, months that I'm perfectly happy without heartache. Lean on His understanding is an understatement. It should be so easy. It's an exhausting fight to push the lonely blues away. But thru Christ, I must keep it moving.

I don't know how I managed to miss this thoughtful reply, oldmother: but it seems you have never been back on EP since the day you wrote it.

I don't know if you are married with children or single. I'll want all of you to know that you can be lonely and married. I hope that "grass is greener" is never anyone's M.O. I haven't been reading the Bible lately, but I know that when I have, I get less depressed. When I exercise, I am less depressed. If I have sex, I am less depressed (although I can get depressed from "non-connect" sex too).

I guess one thought that has helped me, is that "God is always at work to accomplish His plan". I don't always like it, but I gain peace in the struggle to accept it. Like right now. I was really depressed about how I've been married for 12 years, and I honestly don't talk to him anymore. It's a waste of breath. He can talk to me about politics and world injustices ad-nauseum and I respectfully listen. I clam up to bare my soul because who wants to talk to a wall. ( I use to journal and pray more, but my journalling went sideways).

Embrace the Master's plan. Figure out how to deal. Live out excitedly and peaceably the life you have been given. Decide to get out of your funk, because there is a plan and you are part of it. Easier said than done... one day I'll tell you about my dreams and how I couldn't get out of bed.

Thank you so much, AW. As I have said before, you are a really good and caring friend to people in your circle, always seeking them out if they are feeling down. You are always putting yourself down, too. I am not quite sure whether to smile indulgently at your sheer modestly or to tear my hair out in frustration, when you do this! Anyway, on behalf of myself and many others, thank you for being there. xxx

Thank you all for such kind comments. I have only just seen this, lunnas, but we've been friends for a few days already. Sorry you are battling pain, R: that is far worse than anything I have to put up with.

wow u feel the same way i have felted for years

its so dark how i feel .iam a christan but i have fetled the way u feel for years now i dont knwo why

huggsss can i friend list u ?