Lost In This World

RECENTLY I STARTED TO FEEL LOST IN LIFE. IM GOING THROUGH A SEPERATION .  I HAVE A DAUGHTER WITH MY WIFE. I HAVE ANOTHER DAUGHTER AND SON WITH THE GIRL I LEFT FOR MY WIFE. I COMPLETELY ABANDONED MY TWO KIDS. IVE ONLY SEEN THEM ABOUT  20-30 TIMES IN THE LAST YEAR AND A HALF. I PICKED A WOMAN OVER MY TWO KIDS. SHE WOULD GET UPSET WHEN I WOULD TRY TO SEE THEM SO I COMPLETELY FORGOT ABOUT THEM TO MAKE HER HAPPY. I PICKED A WOMAN OVER MY KIDS. THE LAST TIME I REMEMBER SEEN THEM WAS WHEN I WAS WITH THERE MOTHER THEY WERE JUST BABIES. NOW THERE GROWN THEY TALK SO MUCH. I MISSED OUT ON MY KIDS GROWING UP. I STILL SEE THE DAUGHTER I HAVE WITH MY WIFE. THE REASON I LEFT THE FIRST MOTHER OF MY CHILDREN WAS SIMPLE. I DIDNT FEEL RESPECTED BY HER AND I DIDNT LOVE HER. ITS WEIRD THOUGH. WHEN I WAS WITH HER I HAD TWO GREAT JOBS ALWAYS HAD MONEY HAD TWO CARS. OTHER THAN MY RELATIONSHIP LIFE WAS GREAT. I GET WITH MY WIFE AND MY LIFE TURNS AROUND. I LOST MY JOBS AND EVENTUALLY BECAME BROKE. I TURNED INTO A COMPLETELY DIFFERENT PERSON. BEFORE HER I NEVER LIED OR SWORE OR ANYTHING LIKE THAT. I COMPLETELY DID A 180. MY MOM WOULD TRY TO TALK TO ME. SHE WOULD TELL ME WHAT ARE YOU DOING THIS ISNT YOU. I DIDNT WANT TO LISTEN. MY WIFE AND I ARE SEPERATED NOW. I AM FINALLY OVER THE STAGE OF CALLING HER AND BEGGING HER TO FORGIVE ME OVER THINGS I NEVER DONE. OVER BEING DISRESPECTED AND TAKING IT JUST TO MAKE HER HAPPY SO SHE DOESNT WALK OUT ON ME. I FINALLY OPENED MY EYES. BUT IS IT TO LATE? AM I STILL THIS HORRIBLE PERSON. AM I STILL A HORRIBLE FATHER WHO ABANDONED HIS KIDS? AM I STILL A FOOL FOR LEAVING ONE WOMAN FOR ANOTHER THAT DID THE SAME THINGS AND TAKING IT? I AM TRYING TO GO AHEAD IN LIFE AND GET BACK ON MY FEET. TRYING TO BE THE MAN I USED TO. I JUST FEEL SO LOST. I CANT BELIEVE I LEFT MY TWO BEAUTIFUL CHILDREN BEHIND OVER A WOMAN. I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO.

covina covina
18-21, M
Feb 13, 2010