Bad Beginning Better Ending

       My memory of the past isn't as good as I would like but as I do recall is I was never like anyone around my age. My mother was more caring and loving and understanding then to. I was always happy except for when I was being picked on at school for things I did or when I felt all alone in my home. I was 5 and my gut felt empty not of food but of compassion and true understanding of what I am deep down.
       I grew up basically raising myself besides having that one person there who takes you to the doctor when you need to go or buying food for me other than that I didn't have someone to look up to but myself. I didn't have someone to talk to not even my mother... My mom met a guy offline from N.C. and married him within a few months or less. We all, being me, my mom, me and my older brother, were supposed to move to N.C. with him but my biological father fought my mother for me in court and he won me she left to N.C. and hardly contacted me but mostly that was my fault I felt betrayed and I didn't care to talk to someone who wouldn't stay with me through a time like that. My dad lived with his Christan mother my grandma. She was strict and didn't like disobedience. I'd have to be home before the street lights were on and most times I'd end up late because I wouldn't be paying attention. When I tried to explain she'd call me a liar any time I tried to talk basically telling me to shut up. So I did, I shut up and listened to her harshly judging me. Saying I'm this or that and that I feel this or that though I never said anything to agree or not she believed it to be true.
        When I finally moved back in with my mother at 15 yrs she had changed big time not only having 4 little kids from that guy but also her attitude and appearance. She was heavier and more tired looking, she was always frustrated at something and angry that no one else could do what ever it was she would be bitching about. She'd threaten to leave everyone there to N.C. without anyone including me, So I would clean it and make it better just so she'd stop. Eventually I turned into a sister to her than a daughter. She didn't treat me like a daughter but like a friend because it was just how she was now. She had mood swings and at first she never took them out at me. But when she met her next husband she started doing what my Grandma had done to me except for calling me a liar and giving me limits to when I could stay out or not. I could do anything as long as I did as she asked like clean dishes watch her kids not eat hardly anything and don't ever talk back to her... So I did all except for the last one at some points I would speak out against her when she'd start to put me down and make me feel bad but if I did she'd turn my words around and make me sound like I am saying something hurtful to her and that I started it I got so fed up with it all I eventually stopped talking to her and I lived in the same house with her. I just slept during the day when I didn't have school and stayed awake at night. That's when she started saying I was wasting all the damn electric in the house and eating everything in site which wasn't true but she had to pin it on someone might as well be me... She says she loves me but I know the truth behind her idiotic words and it's all lies she only loves me as long as I am a good little girl. But I can never be myself or happy because once I am she's pissed off and back to yelling at me. Even now.
         I only tolerate it because I am trying to get my own place so I don't have to worry about sleeping on the streets because my mom's mom doesn't want me there and neither does my dad's mom. I literally have no where to go. So I'm staying here tolerating her bit**y dumb a** till I can afford my own car and place to stay away from these a** holes that call me Blood. I am not Blood to them as far as I am concerned anymore My blood does not share any kind of significance to theirs. I am not apart of their f***ed up family and when I move out I will prove it to them I am going to loose all contact with them and be happy for once one day I will be happy even if it kills me to get there.
       This is my life from born to now 19 years I had suffered with this dysfunctional family I don't see why I should for the rest of my life. I can't wait for that one day to be here cause that's going to be the beginning of my life!
     
XieryaWolf XieryaWolf
22-25, F
1 Response May 16, 2012

then just do your best when you have work you can try to live with your own life and can do anything you wanted to be...