I Hate It.

I've cried so many times over the past year.  I've been complacent and unambitious, and my heart has been broken into a googol pieces.  I used to be so emotionally strong...even what some would consider stoic.  Now, I've just...changed.  So much.  I'm so much weaker and more vulnerable.

Not only that, but I'm physically weak too.  I can only bench 65 pounds.  Yeah, I know that may sound shallow and superficial and immature, but I sure would love to be physically strong too.  Often, people connect physical strength with internal strength.  I would be so much more attractive...

Why do I have to be weak???  That's the worst possible insult someone could give me--that I'm weak.  I hate it.  Absolutely hate it.  I just want to be strong and feel like a man.  I feel kind of like a 15 year old girl right now.  It's miserable.

RopinTexan RopinTexan
22-25, M
4 Responses Mar 26, 2009

I do.

I hope that you feel stronger now! :/

That is true, R&A. I wasn't able to share my feelings a long time ago before all this happened, so in a way, I have gained some strength...<br />
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Thank you for the encouragement :-)

I think what makes a person strong is what kind of a person they are. I don't think it has to do with what a person can or cannot do physically, or what a person looks like. As far as emotionally, maybe you just let things build up inside too much and now they are spilling out. It takes a strong person to tell about their feeling to others, so therefore you must have some strength. Don't be so hard on yourself. God Bless You.