I Feel Like Liquid Snake

     Since I was a little girl, about three, iv'e been abused by my family. My former stepfather was schizophrenic and would beat me with a limb from a rose bush while my baby brother laughed. My mother never knew this, but she'd soon play a part in my abuse. He always said he didn't remember doing it. I'm sitting here, crying right now, remembering this. I didn't even remember until a few months ago. I thought it was okay for him to do that. My mother said she'd never let a man hit me, but she didn't and STILL doesn't realize she was doing the same thing.

     When my stepfather left, that's when it started with her. I guess she thought she could take out all her frustration on me, since I could talk and my brother was just an adorable little baby X|. She hit me with whatever she could find and even poured a bucket of bleach on me once. I told the police twice, but she put on such a believable show (and she was very good looking to everyone in my small town) that no one believed me. So iv'e been living with it. I'm 18 ad she still hits me and calls me ames like b****,  Wh****. She even hit me with my guitar once, and I have marks where she clawed my arm this morning.

     It doesn't stop there, I was always criticized at school for being fat and my real father (who is a drug addict) did this. They called me the penguin because pof the way I walked. And my mother never comforted me, just made it worse. I was also criticized for liking cartoons at school and at home when I was 11 YEARS OLD! It was hell everywhere I went and still is. I snapped one day and my mother caught me trying to hang myself. Her and the schook coubsekor toojk me to a mental facility. 

     My mother constantly compares me to my flawless brother and even tells me that i'm worthless. And her latest boyfriend got her into the habit of calling me an imbosile and ignorant. 

     i have to escape to this little world in my head full of Metal Gear characters and crazy things like that just to feel like I have friends. I'm tired of doing this and can't stop. I don't want to day dream any more. I want a real life!

xxxxmiseryxxxx xxxxmiseryxxxx
18-21, F
2 Responses Aug 10, 2010

You are not worthless. People made you believe that because it makes them feel better about themselves. You are someone. Please get out of that environment. There are places to go with people who will care about you. You can rise above these people and believe in yourself. Show them they can't break you. If you give up, they win. You are loved. Please don't give up.

This is a horrible story and I feel for you. You have taken the first step in taking stock of the situation and telling others about it. Secondly you have learned to identify the people in your life who are bad to you and you must learn to distance yourself from them. Reality is so important, and also talking to people (like you are doing now) is a real thing to do. Ultimately you must find somewhere else to live and cut off contact with the people who hurt you. It's a big world out there but you must remember that there are also some really good people out there who will appreciate and love you for who you are. You are obviously a good person, just in the wrong place. Know that you are a good person and believe in it every day. I wish you all of the best.