Im Just A Little Girl.

everyone knows that feeling. like no matter where you are, youre invisible. people ignore you. for me, thats especially true. i felt so normal, so plain.  nothing ever happened to me. no friends, no invites, no school trouble, no relationships, no moving, no tragedy, nothing ever happened. i wanted to feel pain. so much it hurt. i was desperate for something to happen so that maybe one day... someone would look, and notice me there all alone, torn to the ground by sadness. i prayed to god... for pain. 

he answered my prayer. i have depression. suddenly, my life turned upside down. i spend days up in my room, saying nothing, doing nothing, but staring out the window, and watching the rain. suddenly nobody understood me anymore. and so i made a mask. of a person i wanted to be. when people found out i was on medication... they were shocked. i was a sweet bright cute little innocent girl. but if anything is true...

the happiest person in the room, is usually the one suffering the most.

ive lost sight of my future. im on a path that keeps turning and twisting, and im scared. im scared im going to be out in the cold world alone and helpless. i hate it. i dont have any confidence or self esteem, i cant even rely on myself anymore. i dont know whats going to happen to me, and im frightened. nobody cares about the little girl in the back anymore. people dont want to waste their time on something as useless and weak as me. i just want somebody to reach into this hole ive dug, before i cant even dee the light anymore. im burying myself alive and i dont know how to get out of it. i cant do anything on my own. i dont believe in myself. and no one believes in me... either. im 
soharu soharu
11 Responses Aug 11, 2010

Thank you for sharing. I do not know you but that is not necessary to know I love you. My daughter hit bottom and died because of it. I now operate a facebook page called Audra's Hug. Purpose is to care for people in your emotional state so that no one ever experiences what Audra felt. People do care...just look...they will come.

but isnt that selfish? i mean... im an impulsive buyer and i have three other siblings that look for more attention as well, wouldnt it be better if they went ahead? after all, i am the oldest, i should solve my own problems, i dont want getting people involved because a lot of them dont think the way i do. some people wouldnt understand it.

When I am too attentive, to those around me, and care more about them, than I do myself, I loose who I am.<br />
<br />
When we are in group and feel alone, it is because we are not getting the attention from those around us. We seek it so desperately, and so often, that we forget, that, we can care more about ourselves, and pay more attention, to ourselves.<br />
<br />
I had a friend (used loosely in this case) who would not look at me as we were talking. He would look around the room. So, I started looking down in front of me and when he noticed that I wasn't paying close attention, he looked me in the eye to get my attention again. I don't like it when people don't look me in the eye when I am having a conversation with them. I think it is rude, and disrespectful and shows lack of interest. So, I got out of that situation, and found others that I stood out in. That others were forced to look at me.<br />
Sometimes, we have to get someones attention and keep getting it, until, the next time, they say hello first. <br />
People can be cold and so focused, it is hurtful to those of us who need them. The key is, making them realize that they need us too.<br />
Change the way you treat yourself. It will get better.

maybe because you don't look at the good part of ur live :)

but if people share things like that... why am i still feeling like i dont exist to anyone? can someone please prove to me im alive and not having a continuous nightmare?

you are welcome anytime :)

thank you. that means a lot to me. really... th-thank you.

be yourself...i notice that you can write very touched my feelings :)<br />
you can write stories or novel's..try to read more about everything...and if no one care about the little girl ..i care,thats why i post my replay here after i left "ep" for 1 year or more

hi. i understand what your going through.. my life isn't very far from that.<br />
i would like to talk to you more if you want

the way i used to be, was a quiet nobody. thats the problem. because of this depression, i have had both good and bad. but depression also only focuses on the negative things in life. before, i didnt even know the difference.

hey sweetie..happiness is within you ..perhaps not relative..find it first in yourself and then in other people...