Is There Enough Love?

I feel unloved because everone in my life has walked away from me. Either through death or moved away. I have 4 relatives and a few real friends. I drive my man crazy with calling him too much and it causes problems, but I am lonely and feel unloved in general so I try to reach out for love. I feel empty like I have a hole that is empty with in me. I go to church and this helps and then I gat home or leave church and then the feeling comes back. I guess I have always fel this way. I was loved by my father and now he has been gone for along time. I try to stay busy and try to be happy but the feeling always comes back.

buttercups1966 buttercups1966
41-45, F
3 Responses Feb 8, 2009

Buttercups <br />
I am very moved by your feelings, we are all here for you. the EP family is here for you to share what you are going thru. I am here for you to write to, have you ever experienced my lifestyle? would you like to know more?

Thank you for the comment. I have tryed to let others know this and I feel people are so jaded anymore that they dont really give a fxxx. I tell my man exactly how I feel and he tells me he loves me and that Im his girl and all then the next day it is different It is different because this morn we woke up and his phone rang and it was some girl and i was like who is it? and he said none of your business and said she was part of his past. I said Im your girlfriend I have a righ to know. We have been together 6 months and he told me I wasnt his girlfriend and I was like what the hxxx.? But we are native american and when we became intimate we became married according to our beliefs. I am upset about this because it hurt my feelings and justs validated even more why this group is so appropriate for me. He said shes a part of his past and I said well she needs to be.<br />
Then I got really pissed off and called him alot and he got upset. It seems I call alot when I gat angry or lonely or depressed. I am no different from anyone else, I want to love and be loved and I am very confused. We live in a society that is a throw away society. People are so quick to throw away others when they are bored. Or abort a child when they cant handle he pressure or whatever....<br />
I just want one day like I used to feel......loved and no pressure and no b.s. and I am so tired and stressed that I feel like just crawling up into a ball and crying....

I think you are on the right track by keeping busy, try to continue to do the things you love. But that is only part of the battle. You mentioned that you have tried reaching out, maybe it's not clear to the people you are reaching out to how important it is. Have you tried sitting down with your guy (get his full attention lol) and make it evident how important his love towards you is. Explain how much his affection (though it may seem little to him) means to you. You said you call him a lot, let him know how much you love to hear his voice (maybe he might call you). Just open him up to the idea of showing more affection and let him be spontaneous/creative (hopefully), don't give him direct ideas or instructions (because we will do what you say once...and call it good, that's just how most of us guys reason). Valentines day is coming up so this is a perfect opportunity for him to try new things. Make sure you make it clear that it is much more than just materialistic gestures i.e. flowers, candy etc, and more of an emotional level i.e. talking, laughing (having fun together in general), a phone call, dancing or something as small as a hug and kiss. Again, I don't know the whole situation so he might already do all this. The big thing is letting people know how much their love means to you and expressing your love for them. With that, hoping they understand where you are coming from. The thing you have to remember is people vary to how much, and how, they show love. Some people really never open up about it (and may never will), but they show it their own little ways. Others, show love "loud and proud" and put their heart out on their sleeve. <br><br><br />
...sorry for the rant, just kinda kept on typing lol.<br><br><br />
You'll find the love you're looking for, because it's out there looking for you.