Lost And Confused
Hi. I am new here and here is my story.
I have been with my husband for 8 years. We have been married 4 years this december. I was in fairyland bliss. Had been ever since i met my husband. They say love is blind and after what happened to me, i have to agree. 6 months into our marriage, my husband felt the need to cheat on me. For three months i sat around, happy and unknowingly the fool. Ignoring the signs that were right in front of my face, i went along with my happy life, wondering why my husband was becoming so distant and unhappy. I thought it was work. He spent a lot of time there, going in early, staying late, working 6 days a week. I thought he was streesed out. I tried to make coming home a happy time for him. I met him at the door with a smile, had his supper fixed, whatever i could do to make his life eaiser and make coming home a good thing. My heart got ripped out by a guy who was the boyfriend of a girl that worked for my husband. He pointed me in the direction of poems that she had written about my husband and herself. When i told my husband, he came rushing home, telling me it was not him and he did not know what was going on. He swore it was not him. A week later, i got the cell phone bill in. Hundreds of text messages to her number. I finally got a confession. I never thought of leaving him. Only how i was going to handle the situation. He quit his job, professed his loyalty to me, was going to spend the rest of his life making it up to me. I was crushed, my heart ripped out by a man that had said that he would never hurt me. How was i to trust this man? Not be terrified every time he left the house without me? The next year was good. Hard but he made such an effort. He was very sweet. He went into a depression after a year. He had diabetes, we lost a house we thought we were getting, etc... I tried to remain upbeat and be there for him but his attitude changed towards me. He became cold again, hateful. I got the worst looks anyone could get. He blamed it on his depression. He was diagnosed with bipolar disorder, so everything he did was blamed on this. He shut me out. Stopped telling me things. Took a job that is an hour away. late nights agian. He joined a gym, to try to lose some weight and get off some of his meds he says. He started smoking, to help him lose weight and help with stress, he says. One night he didn't even come home. I begged him to just come home, but he refused. I didn't even know why. Then he says he is sorry and that he loves me and that he wants to find the man he once was just as bad as i do and that he wants to quit smoking and he wants to love me the way that i love him. Then he gives me these digusting looks, doesn't want to go anywhere, (ok so maybe he's tired), doesn't tell me anything, doesn't touch me, hold me, kiss me, only tells me he loves me after i have told him or if he is leaving for work or hanging up the phone. I didn't get anything for Valentine's day. I feel like i am only here to launder his clothes, cook his meals, look after his kids and forfill his "desires" every now and again. I am deeply in love with this man, who am i to him? I have asked, he won't tell me. Only says that if i don't know, he's not telling me. he used to text me all day, call me several times a day. Now, i am lucky to hear from him at all during the day. I am not apart of his life outside of this house. He seems so happy when he is leaving for work and then he doesn't smile at all when he is home. this man, who used to touch me all the time, kiss me all the time, make out with me all the time, hardly ever touches me anymore. Why does it seem so hard for him to love me?