Sometimes I Think I Deserve To Be Unhappy

I suffer from anxiety, depression and chronic pain. I thought I had it under control, but it seems like every time I get into a difficult situation it just comes back. Which makes the situation even harder. I can never seem to be at my best and so people think I'm not trying. Generally, I think I must be weak. I see people leading busier, harder lives than mine. They do so much more in a day than I can cope with.
It's hard to feel like I deserve good things, since I always seem to get in the way of myself.I hate how hard I find things. How easily I fall apart. It doesn't help that all this stuff is invisible to everybody else. In some situations you can tell people what's going on, but it sounds like I'm making excuses when the anxiety keeps coming back. when I find it hard to get out of bed yet again.

I guess this means I need to get help all over again. I wish it wasn't so hard. Why can't I hold it together just once? I'm sick of not being the best I can be. But maybe this is the best. Maybe I can't actually do better.
prettymuchnothing prettymuchnothing
26-30, F
1 Response May 17, 2012

*BIG HUGS* I know what you really mean. I really really do. It's like your limited or average at best, and never seem to raise your potential that your strive for. I ask for that same reason, give me that 1 big push to get to the edge, and then I suddenly fall apart with a snap like magic and fall even harder. In my eyes, I can definitely tell you are trying because I experience similar things how you described it. I have Learning Disability along with Chronic Hepatitis B. These two causes brain fog. Not only that, it had led to depression and anxiety so it adds more weight to it. I always feel tired and low energy everyday so it's always hard for me to give it my best. I just lethargic person of not going to work nor school at the moment. I have failed college twice, and I have failed job interviews with no luck. I'm really like a zombie out there and is always one step behind from others. It's discouraging that there is lack of interest and motivation because no matter how hard I try, I can never find my strength of what I'm good at. Anyways, you deserve better like I do. It's unfortunate how are life is are but we just have to keep fighting because we don't know what the future holds. Don't give up! As long as your live and have free choices what you want to be, you can always make a difference in yourself and to others as well.