Sometimes I Think I Deserve To Be UnhappyI suffer from anxiety, depression and chronic pain. I thought I had it under control, but it seems like every time I get into a difficult situation it just comes back. Which makes the situation even harder. I can never seem to be at my best and so people think I'm not trying. Generally, I think I must be weak. I see people leading busier, harder lives than mine. They do so much more in a day than I can cope with.
It's hard to feel like I deserve good things, since I always seem to get in the way of myself.I hate how hard I find things. How easily I fall apart. It doesn't help that all this stuff is invisible to everybody else. In some situations you can tell people what's going on, but it sounds like I'm making excuses when the anxiety keeps coming back. when I find it hard to get out of bed yet again.
I guess this means I need to get help all over again. I wish it wasn't so hard. Why can't I hold it together just once? I'm sick of not being the best I can be. But maybe this is the best. Maybe I can't actually do better.