I Bought This Upon MyselfI don't know where it started. I wasn't always this person, or maybe I just didn't realise it.
I have all the opportunity in the world. I have my health, a loving partner and family, intelligence, good looks, friends, social grace.
But somehow, day by day I squander it. I don't deserve it. I never reach my full potential. I'm never what I should be. I don't know if I'll ever achieve what I should achieve. My best, be worthy. I feel so selfish, having all these blessings, having so many people supporting me, helping me, but somehow I waste it all. Letting life slip through my fingers. I want to change, but can't, don't know where to start, don't know if I can. Have lost hope. Living a lie. I'm not worthy of their love, trust and respect. I've trick them, I'm a decietful liar. Why do I do this? Why am I this way? I tell myself I'm lazy, spoilt and selfish and that I can change if I just try harder. But I never do. 19 years later and it's the same. Am I depressed? But depression is an easy way out. Surely I'm not, I'm just weak and need to try harder. One day I'll make good, I will allow myself to be happy, I will deserve their love. Just need to try harder.lucy.bordeaux