I'm Turning Into Someone I've Tried Desperately Not To Be

I've blown medical science out of the water, by doing things my doctors told me I'd never be able to do, I'm a state karate champion, I'm an artist, I can sing, I can sew, I can write, I can act, I've been a firefighter, a room service waitress that has met dozens of celebrities, I was in a marching band for 7 years, I've performed in front of thousands of people, been all over the country, and even lived in Germany for 5 years, i designed a company logo, I can read French, and am teaching myself Japanese successfully. Don't get the wrong picture, I can be a little narcissistic, but I'm far from selfish, and I'm not bragging. I just want to know why the hell, I have all these crazy cool (in my opinion) things about me, but men don't even glance my way long enough to find that out, I spent 5 years in a long distance relationship, with someone I knew from childhood, saw the guy In person once, and not once did I ever complain about not receiving gifts, late holiday or birthday replys, and for at least 2 years no intimacy over the phone. When I finally broke he ended it, he still talks to me, and some part of me will always love him, but now im losing my sex drive. I'm pretty much for the most part a virgin, and apparently that's some kind of disease these days. I'm getting to where all I want to do is stay home, I'm on antidepressants that definitely work, but meds can only help so much, they don't hold you at night, or make love to you, they don't give you flowers, or tell you how pretty you are. I keep having this reoccurring dream where all I see is a guys chest, and I just feel if I could get to him he'd give me what I so desperately want, just wrap his arms around me, but he backs away and I can never grab hold of his shirt. Some times I wake up and find my self reaching and pleading, no one ever comes. I've seen men literally kill themselves over a *****, but I can't get one to even look at me, and when they do, it's like 'oh you're a virgin? See ya' not that I would want someone to end their life over me, but damn wouldn't it be nice to be that important...
Dontcareanymorehadenough Dontcareanymorehadenough
26-30, F
2 Responses Jan 6, 2013

you are really really awesome .. .add me pls ok????

I don´t understand. Why did doctors say you couldn´t do all this? That´s my first question. Second question...is that the only boyfriend you´ve ever had? If so, why? Don´t you know that there are billions of people on the planet? Being a virgin is not a problem in other parts of the world. I have a friend who lost her virignity at 40. She´s still with this guy and she´s 47 now. There´s so much time, don`t rush it. Find someone who really loves you and it will be a great experience. In the meantime, try a pet!

I was born with Hydrocephalus, children with this problem are rarely mentally competent, or sustain eyesight, hearing, motor skills and so on... I have severe scoliosis, which is why I have two rods attached to my spine, I don't go to my doctors any more but he'd **** a cow that lays golden eggs if he knew I was taking karate and judo. I'm a rare case in the medical field... As far as men where I live, well watch swamp people, and honey boo boo, and you'll get the picture lol, I'm not expecting prince charming to come knocking on my door, but I always feel like the chaser, and never the persued, when I try I get hurt, when I don't try, no one try's for me like I would for them. I'm turning into a bitter, hard person. Someone who hates to be around couples to the point of literally throwing up. Its been for a while now that it really gets on my nerves even when my dad buys my mom flowers, I was never a jealous person, but now it makes my blood boil to see to people in love. I'm sorry I can't help how I feel. I'm pretty sure this disposition isn't getting ME any brownie points in the love department, but damn like my name suggests, I'm tired, I've done more in my life time at 26 than most 50 year olds, and I feel a lot older than my peers. I'm at my breaking point. I can tell, because now instead of going out and having fun it sounds more fun to sit at home and do a puzzle, and that scares me, but it's still better than going out and watching some trumped up ***** get whatever she wants....oh well, thanks for the advice