This Is Me.

Alright, I`m new to this, and I`ve no idea who`ll read it, but It`s not like I`ve got anything to lose here.

I`m worthless. Me, and everything I do.

I`ve dropped out of school and I`m living with my parents. I`m overweight and generally not much to look at. I`ve got a few people who I could call friends, I guess, but no really close ones. I don`t have a job or any sort of education that could help me get a job. The only thing I (used to)enjoy doing is playing drums, but I suck at it, despite having finished music school and playing on-and-off for 2 years now. My 18th birthday is exactly one month away and I feel like I`ve come to the end of my time. I`m pitiful - overweight, not much to look at, I suck at the only thing I enjoy doing, I`m socially awkward, scared of people I don`t know, I don`t trust anyone, I`m emotionally repressed, paranoid and I hate myself. I can`t see anything, that I`ve started, through, I get discouraged by the smallest misshaps and I`m no good at anything.

 

I often think about suicide. I`ve cut my arms before, and slashing my wrists would be the next step, I guess. But I`m afraid of it, and I`m worried about what it`ll do to the few people I care about, even if I don`t want to admit it.

 

I`ve accomplished nothing, and all I keep doing, is draining other people around me. I`m a worthless piece of ****, only capable of hurting and annoying the people around me.

ikaa ikaa
18-21, M
3 Responses Feb 21, 2009

worthless piece of ****, who are capable of hurting and annoying the people around them do not say that about them selves.<br />
your a good person.. you just need help! and your only 18. please don't waste your life laying in bed.<br />
I'm 26 and have been depressed for years. i just started therapy and Oh God im so sorry i didn't go sooner. coz i cant get the years i wasted. i missed a lot of life because of my depression.<br />
being depressed in not your fault ok? its a disorder. go get help. trust me your life will change for the better. all the "I'm so worthless talk" will disappear. this is not you. nobody is worthless. everybody deserves to be loved. its just your so depressed you cant see it.<br />
people say go back to school or get a job or do something with your life to pull you from this state your in. but i know you heard this before and your tired of it. coz they don't know how hard it is to just get out of bed let alone actually doing something with your life<br />
so, all I'm saying is get help. just go to a therapist and he will do all the work. <br />
i wish you best of luck =)

I can tell you right away what you have that billions of other people don't:<br />
You're very SINCERE person.<br />
And to add:<br />
You're well educated, you're intelligent, you're accurate in things you do. You're excellent writer. Impeccable. You're pleasant to communicate with. You have your distinct style. <br />
<br />
You are willing to go against the flow and that's really cool.<br />
<br />
People love to talk to you because you like to listen and you respect people. That's a big talent on it's own in our ohhhh so loud universe.<br />
<br />
Lots of people need your help and wants your advice!<br />
<br />
Just hang on there. Be.

Gosh so much of what you say is within me also. I feel like a worthless disease that will infect others if I let them in. Hopefully we can both get better at how we feel about ourselves.