3 Months After. The Way To Recovery. Expect The Bumps.

Hi Everybody.

I was in here two months ago. Before that I had sat on the floor crying for a month straight, lost 10 pounds, with my head agains the wall thinking I was the most horrible person alive.
It is because I finally had after 3 years of mental abuse, push and pull, lies and darkness had listened to my inner voice. In fact it took over my entire body. To the point where I fell asleep in his lap, woke up, stood up and told him I didn't trust him, didn't respect him, and that I wanted him to get the hell out. Of course my guilt got me and I called him back. I should never have done that. It gave him an opening to lash out, and it gave him ALL the reason in the world to do so.
I should have just let him walk away. A break up with a Sociopath can be very brutal. If you break up with them, they won't respect your boundaries. They will keep calling, texting, emailing, till you finally break and give them a chance to speak. And then of course you will fall for the bs they serve you. That they understand, that they will change, that they love you and only you. That it's the last time. Don't do it. If they break up with you, understand that they have control over your mind. They have built a nest there over time. You know something is wrong after a while, but you can't put your finger on it, and you will start to lose your sanity and your own way of thinking. You will bend backwards for this person. Because they can sit right in front of you and cry one day of how they just want your love, and that they are just scared to get hurt to the point where you climb Mount Everest to prove your love. And when you are up there, they have no problem flicking you off the mountain and enjoy watching you roll down, bruise up and break legs, and arms. That's how they are. These sites have given me so much insight to what really happened. And I am on my way to recovery. But it will take time. Unfortunately what might happen after a break up with a S, they might have done their "finale" act on you.
Meaning they go out with a bang. They dump all the **** on you. To clear their non existing conscious. They will tell you that you are to blame. That THEY tried. That THEY gave their all. That YOU messed it up. And you'll believe it. You will. And you will walk around in circles after they are gone trying to fix yourself there and then before they are truly out of your life. Bc a life without him or her would be horrible. Hold up. It's mind games 101.
Remember how it was WHEN you were with him. That is the task of it all.
Now that I have been NC with him for a month (took me 2 months to completely stop the emailing) the truth come for a day each and every day. It is tough some days. Because it's like you have to re live the whole relationship all over again. Only this time you see the bad stuff that actually happened. And it's hard, man. To see everything that happened that you overlooked to be in this persons life. You compromised yourself to that level?? It can be hard to realize it, and of course there comes hurt with feeling on your body what this person REALLY did to you.
But Psychologist Carl Jung (google him) says that the fact that you are starting to remember, now matter how hard it might be is actually a sign of recovery. Your mind is remembering, seeing things for what they really were. It's a cruel awaking but it is your mind that tries to analyze and re write what just happened. So if you are there, KNOW that you are on your way.
Yes, there are days and moments when you will cry. Still after 3 months, sometimes 3 years. But take your time. Let your body react. Cry when you want to. Just do it. Get angry when you do.
Be sceptic about people you meet. Choose more wisely. Let your head lead not your heart.
Find the balance. Scan people before you give yourself. Take. Your. Time.

I had a relaps today and I sat down and wrote down 20 things that he did here. I would not have found one bad things in the mind set I was in 3 months ago.
So go ahead girl, or guy, and let the recovery begin!!!!!!
You are not alone. I'm here if anything!! Let's get through it together!

VirgoLove VirgoLove
31-35, F
15 Responses Oct 30, 2012

I just broke up with my psychopath 2 days ago, I actually didn't give him the satisfaction of a break up and just cut him off, I'm starting to remember our good times and feel sad but I have to remember they are all lies, he waited outside my work for 3hours when I started to ignore him, some advice please? Really hurting :(

Wow I freaking thank-you and appreciate you for writing this , you have no actual idea what you have done for me right now !! Thank you to whom is the writer ! Just thank-you ,so much !

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Thank you so much its early days of nc for me and I'm constantly going over what happened and seeing the reality. I thought I was losing my mind .. I am scared he will turn up as I've blocked him everyway possible. I saw him from a distance yesterday my friend was shocked to see me in real fear as she described it. He hasn't let me go. I gave him ultimatum me or sex chat sites. He chose sites. So I'm hoping no matter how sad I feel as it was his. Choice I may be free xx

All I can say is this post just described my recent end(this being thre real end this time)of a year and a half long relationship. It's insane bc I was warned by two of his children's mothers and they had police reports. He made them seem crazy. I didn't realize how he was calling them crazy to me but pushing buttons behind the scenes w/them causing emotional outburst that I took as them being crazy ex girlfriends. I believed the standard"but I'm different". And I was...till I suddenly wasn't. I watched myself become "crazy" as a response to him! He was a typical sociopath. I walked out many times. I never cut contact. Him begging was almost a high that always worked. Then one day we fought and he just walked. He became evil. I now realize the importance of no contact. This is awful. I hope people read these things and get out sooner then we have....save yourself now bc it's misery!

Oh man I need to hear this!
The anguish I'm going through is not something that you could explain to just anyone. That person has to have been there.
I do not see a clear way through this. I do not see the other side. I do not see ever meeting another who is truelly kind.

Jesus is truly kind! Matthew 11:29

Does anyone still read these posts? I have just got out of the malt soul destroying relationship with a sociopath and have no idea where to turn from here

hey miss,this post is of 2years ago,dnt know if you are still there,my case is also same,she breaks up,then calls back again after 3-7 days,(not for patch up)but to ask for relationship from my side,and i guess what,everytime she successfully convince me with all her tools(1st blaming,cutting phone on my face,threatening,crying,if all else fails then she says,i was her mistake)...but now its 2years n m sick of it,from my heart i broke up with that sociopath but still scared for that "what if...",as usual she called me after a day of break up,but before that she was quite happy with her fb status,comments and all,she was expecting me to call back,but i dint..so here is the last conversation:-she (after calling 25 times i picked up):-did you see my message(that was a childish one)I answered:-y r u calling me,everything is over between us,i can't feel anything please what do you want now(m scared from inside)
she:-a long silence,to break the silence I:-will you please say something i need to sleep now have a tiresome day tomorrow.she:-a short silence then she said with a voice as if shes hurt,i am sorry for that night(the night she said "you dont deserve to be with any girl,idiot")..i said:-please i dnt want to hear anything,whatever happend,it was for good now i dnt want anything,please leave me alone she:-again silence with sounds of hurt,i asked her:-why are you crying
she said:-you dont have to worry that my personal problem(expecting me to ask again,what was that problem)n i know the problem is that "how can she fail to convince me"...now i am afraid what if she calls back again after a couple of days,i dnt want to hear anything from her,she have deactivated her fb account(its always temporary deactivation)...in one word,I DON'T WANT ANY OF HER CRAP,spending 2 years with her left me depressed,scared,low self-esteem,n i also became a sociopath,narssissit,panic disorder and all sorts of ******* mental sickness,but i know m not like that,its she who made me that way,i dedicated myself to her,n now she's confident of herself bt m nt,she had many boyfriends 1 dumped her,one quit,and she dumped one,she was loyal with me,but i also was loyal,but can't take her sickness any more...so please temme what to do/say if she call back again,and uses her old TOOLs again on me,i can't see her crying,but i know that is manupulative.please help..anyone whoever can see my post(DAMM URGENT)

Wow. Thank you so much for this. I am really deep in this hell. I have never dated before and in my 30s and he was so persistent. I was married but separated with teh only man that I was married to who was emotionally abusing me. So, when this one showed so much interest in me i didn't let him in for over 6 months but then I failed. Now after two years I can't even open my mouth i get punished. I have no self esteem left. I went from living alone but happy in my life to now very unhappy, depressed and almost want to kill myself but i can't because i have kids. I have no family and few friends. He is so rude to me, I cry and sleep in my closet. He does nice things for me and say sorry and etc afterwards. I nowadays pretty much beg him not to hurt me but he still does. My friends do not like him and tell me that they cannot believe how i have changed. I used to be the most confident and strong one. I am the last person on this planet to be strong now. I have prayed a million times for God to help me. I know I have to help myself but I can't. I just feel lonely and think about the good and so afraid I will fail if he is not in my life. When he has left me to go visit his family when i didn't respond and let go he messaged so many times and came running and crying. It's because I finally let go and he did not like that. I forgave him. He has done it so many times. He forced himself in to our house pretty much. He said only coming to help with the move and never left. If I asked him to he'd get so angry and cry saying I am a monster. Now my problem is that I can't move on because we have only one room for us, no extra rooms or guest rooms and have to sleep in the same bed. I sleep in my closet, not much space. At one point I could not take the emotional abuse and the game/circle that he would play i almost went over to the other side....i wish i would feel better and get strong and not hurt so much. I rather die than living like I do now :'( Ok I did not mean that because I got a second chance at living when I was told by a doctor that I had a tumor ( found to be a false alert). I don't want to die

This was beautiful, spot on. Couldnt have said it any better myself, thank you. Keep it up, i never realized how many other people are in the same situation as me, and we all can come together on here and share and learn and give advice. Thank you for this. We will have our days, we will break down, but were strong because after that, we dry our tears, remember the seriously fu**ed mind games they played, the way they treated you almost all of the time, were gonna dust ourselves off and keep moving, keep growing. I feel sorry for them, that they will never feel what we can, never love how we can, were the ones that have the advantage. Theyre sick, and cant even admit it. I love that how much i love, and hell never take that away from me.

I am still with my sociopath . I am so inlove with him and i haven't the strength to leave. Hes not that bad to me yet. But we have only been together a lil over 2 yrs. I am trying to distance myself but its hard i live with him and i have too right now no other options.

i was with a sociopath for a year and i just recently discovered she cheated on me the whole year. it's a tough awakening and it's difficult to let go. I'm so lost and feel defeated.

Wow. I've confronted my ex husband (sociopath) and let him know that he did not destroy me. Huge mistake-huge. I'm just now recognizing that I have been married to sociopath. Do I tell a psychologist that I think I've been married to a sociopath? Need to talk to someone about this. Im in shock.

yes, remembering is key. because it still feels like it's my fault. i still have to keep telling myself it wasn't my fault. it is so crazy, how i still feel responsible. and this was a 20 year marriage. he's been out of the house only 7 months. calling, emailing, calling calling calling. everyday.

Omg. Everything you stated is exactly what I went through. I know how hurtful that is & only someone who is in it can comprehend it. Thank you for posting your story, I'm glad I'm not the only one.

Thank you for the insight. I have recently been out of a relationship with my boyfriend who I believe is a sociopath. It has only been two months. This guy really got me. I am in so much pain how he just threw me away after being together for a year. He promise me everything. I do look back and see certain things he would do. He was very charming and loving. He even cried to me of how much he loved me. One thing that sticks out I had to go to the hospital for really bad cramps and he got extremely mad. When we left the hospital it was around 4am and we were both tried but I had pain medicine in me so I was feeling sick and sweating and he purposely open all the windows turned off the air conditions and said he didn't care if I was hot. He turned around and went to sleep. I just sat there in shock. I had never seen this behavior towards me before. Now I think he was just mad because he had to stay up that late and it was all about him. That is one of the things that has suck to me. Then the next day he was all loving but I think that was the first warning sigh. He ended up lying to me so much about everything and he broke up with without saying why. He told me he needed some space and suggest I go home and visit my family for a couple of days and had a return plane ticket for me. So he drove me up to Washington DC, and it was a 9 hour drive and he was very loving. So I thought nothing of this. I went on the train to my family and the next day he said I don't want to be in a relationship with you anymore and already shipped my stuff to my parents home. We were engaged and he text me this. I went into complete shock and I tried to contact him to see why he was doing this? But he would not talk to me anymore and just threw me away like I was nothing. I really think he is a sociopath. All his lies and betrayel I can't believe he hurt me like this. I am trying to go on with my life, it is just hard. I thought I found my soulmate and a wonderful person who had so much in common with me. I don't know how someone can say they love you so much, I can't live without you, deceive me so much. I am hoping to have the strengh to not to dwell on this and ruin my life.

I know exactly how you feel & if you need anyone to speak to for support, please feel free to speak with me. I've been there, you just have to remember you fell in love with a monster. This isn't your fault, he's a sick person.

i feel the same way!!! He rushed it all, conned his way into my life.. And I felt guilty for not knowing sooner. He proposed, became part of my family, and then left on a train one day to his baby mother.. One thing ive noticed is if a sociopath leaves you, they have the power over you, but by cutting all ties, you cut that power source off. Its been 10 days but I am already getting stronger, and you will too hun. Dont lose yourself amidst this confusing web hes weaved and stuck you in. stay hopeful and release when need be!!!!