My First And Only Love

I never thought it would be him. It was so unexpected. Before him, I thought I was in love with my best friend. He proved me wrong. I never knew what it meant to be in love with someone until he showed me. It wasn’t love at first sight, it wasn’t lust, and it wasn’t obsession. It was pure love.
He is not the most handsome, richest, or brightest man in the world, but somehow despite all that I find every aspect of him to be beautiful. He made me stop looking at other guys, that before would catch my attention. He was all I thought about. The year progressed and I grew more sure of my feelings. I decided he was what I wanted, and needed. No doubt in my mind. He was slowly killing me, without me even knowing it. I knew it was unhealthy for me to be so influenced by one person, but I was never happier. He alone was the best and worst thing that ever happened to me. Best because he showed me a world I never thought existed. Worst because he showed me a world I couldn’t have. I know I didn’t know him, but there was something about him, I just didn’t know what it was. There was a point where I questioned if given the choice I don’t know whether or not I would choose to love him or not. Eventually my questioned was answered...
He was a senior when my feelings about him started, I went a whole year, in love with him. Then he graduated. The very thought of him leaving made me sick. I didn’t bare the thought of never seeing him again. When he said his goodbyes to my entire class, I literally lost my breath, and my eyes began to water. Then he graduated. With my luck even with him gone, my feelings never changed. How could they? I still saw him on occasions. I still see him, in fact he has actually spoken with me more often. He was everything I expected and more. Its been approximately a year since he graduated, and in the year I was allowed to see how he is who he is. He is exactly how I pictured him to be and much more. At this time is when I realized that I would choose to love him. Despite the fact that all he did was cause me pain.
I began to cherish every day that I saw him, because it enabled me to see that he was okay. When I went an extended period of time without seeing him I worried whether or not he was okay. I needed to know that. I cared for him and his well being. I eventually realized he also deserved better than me. I cant give him what he wants and deserves. So I hope he finds someone who deserves him. Even though it will kill me, its what I want.
Now that I see him, I know he knows who I am, but I continue to pretend like I don’t know him. Even though he is the one man I will never forget. My first and only love.
lorena092510 lorena092510
18-21, F
May 19, 2012