Her Smile That Brightens My Day =)

Today, I have made my landmark decision. I've been thinking for days of how to deal with my feelings to her. She's my best friend, the most lovable person I ever met! Let's call her "K". I am going to disclose my feelings to her.

I first met her about two years ago, in grade 12. She was in my math class. And at that moment too, I had a terrible relationship with girl "V". V and I are in a long distance relationship and we argue quite often. Of what are no importance here. Anyway, K is cute to me at my first glance, and cute girls turn me on (WAIT!! I haven't fall in love with her yet... please be patient guys.. haha!). And from that onwards we're just considered acquaintances, nothing more, nothing less. However, one day, while I was talking with my friends during recess, I was asked by her friend to come over to her group of friends, and say that K had something to say to me. So I went, and I sat, right beside her. And so, in front of her group of friends, she asked me something like "You wanna be my...." then she made the kind of look that I interpreted it as something of relationship interest or something like that. But it is just what I think, I am still uncertain what she meant by that. Well, since that time I was still in a relationship, and in order to avoid trouble, I purposely acted like I'm not in a good mood and I asked one of her friend angrily (although I'm just acting like so) something like "What the hell she wants?", and her friend said don't know. And so K said never mind, and then I left and went back to my friends. After school, while in the shuttle bus back to our residences, I asked her what she meant by that just now and she just said that is nothing and say that she just wanted to introduce me to her friends. I said OK but I can sense that what she told me is not true. These are the incidents happened there, back in my country, before I came to Edmonton for my university degree, and our relationship is pretty at acquaintance level. Meanwhile, at the same time, I broke up with V because I fell in love with another girl, H, and months later me and H started dating. H and me are pretty good friends before that but the story of me and H I will write it in a different post next time.

And so here goes the end of our grade 12 and flying to canada to study degree. Me and H are going to different university in different cities so we are in a long distance relationship. K went to the same university as me, with another friend of ours. This was in September 2009 that we started attending the university. We stayed at the same on campus housing but in different rooms. This is the place where I started to develop feelings to her (NOPE! not instantly... let me finish!). I started to really mingle and talked to her often. And I learned a lot from her. Apart from being cute physically, she is also very cheerful, adoreable and lovely. And the thing that really make me excited is when she made eye contact with me and with the beautiful, angelic smile of her. I often visit her room just to see her and talk to her. But there's a catch! I was still in a relationship with H, and I really loved H. So, I did try to avoid her by coming to her room less often. One night, when I was in their room, talking to K's roommate, K said "Jeff.", and I said "Yes?", and she said, "I love you" and smiled. I was stunned. But I know, and she knows that I was still in a relationship with H, so I just replied her "Thank you" and smiled, because I thought maybe she was just flirting with me for fun and nothing more. But really deep inside my heart, it makes me really warm and happy, and because for some reasons, even H never said that to me before! Yes, although it might just be an empty word from her, but it really makes me happy! =). During the particular year, I enjoyed being with her company, and we have one same class and so I always attend that class just to keep company of her.

After the end of our first year in the university in May 2010, we moved to a new apartment where me, K, her roommate and another guy stayed together. This is where I developed intimate bonds with her. We see each other everyday, and I will often went to her room to have a long chit chat with her. A few weeks after we moved into our new apartment, I broke up with H for some sad reasons. I was so sad, and I went to K to cry. But K consoled me still with her beautiful angelic smile that makes me feel better. We talked a lot that night. And I felt calm again, although I need weeks to recover. I continued to have intimate talks with her almost every night. Sometimes she did came to my room to talk, which makes me even happier. Although it may mean nothing, but I am very happy because I sense that she cares about me. However, I would still wouldn't wanna fall in love with her, as I am tired of loving because of my previous relationship. So I did reduce the time that we spent having intimate talks every night. But as I do that, I felt terribly hurt. I think I had fall in LOVE with her! which ain't a good thing. As time goes by my feelings with her did get buried, and I just wanna be best friends with her. BUT! There's the turning point. A guy called "C" confessed to her that he loved her, and wants a relationship with her. She told me about that, but she said she don't love him back and is rejecting him. Therefore, I don't feel hurt or anything, just normal. However, after some happenings between K and C (I know what happens, but it is not important to say it here), K decided to give C a chance. So they started their "casual" or "just-trying out" relationship. The feelings of my love to her suddenly just rose from the ground. She spent a lot of times with C, which makes me terribly sad. I know I got jealous of them but what to do? After a week "dating" with C, one day, K told me that C has "dumped" her. But of course, I know that she's not in love with him so I don't feel weird when she is happy as she always does. I got a little happy about it. Who knows it turns out that C actually "dumped" her just for a day because of studying. She told me that she just fooled me and she laughs, I did show my little angry reaction to her, and I did say I was angry with her because of that, but then she said she was just playing and I was ok with that. We started talking a lot again that night, and she told me that she thinks she likes C. That kinda hurts me but I returned her with a smile and continue talking.

TODAY, I came to her room again in the morning before I went to work and talked, and I asked about what do she thinks about her relationship with C. She said that he treats her really good and she likes him, and she thinks that their relationship might improve and she also thinks that she had a future with C. That really sank me down! =( (I know I'm just jealous), but still I smiled to her, and said "good for you". She replied that she won't dump me (as a best friend). It did relieve me but it does not solve the problem. Before that, we did make a promise that if either of us started dating, we would never "dump" each other and remain as best friends. I felt much better with that promise, but still it doesn't solve that problem.

I have been thinking for many days, can't really sleep well because of that, of should I really be telling her about that or just ignore it and let it fade. And another thing is, I do thought about what if we're in a relationship, what will it be like, what future does both of us have, and so and so. And finally I've decided that I AM NOT going to have a long term relationship with her. (I have very convincing reasons not to have a long term relationship with her, so just don't bother asking). BUT I wanted to stay as best friends with her. So, my resolution is, I am going to tell her about what I feel some day, some place, some time... SOON! I just wanted her to know what I felt about her. It's ok if she doesn't have the same feeling as I have but I guess this is really a TEST OF OUR FRIENDSHIP so now I am ready to face it, and I am going to execute my plan SOON (when I say soon, it means SOON!!).

So anyone who read this please wish me luck and pray that everything will be going smooth.

I love you, K. <3

jeffhenry90 jeffhenry90
3 Responses Jul 30, 2010

Honestly... I'm in seventh grade but oddly can relate. I fell for by best friend too. I told her how I felt and sadly got rejected. But now I feel like she is flirting with me??? Honestly, it strengthened our friendship.

That was an awesome story :) I wish you the best of luck!

I wish you the best. Sometimes all we need is to write it down and we'll figure out what we need to do.