I Should Of Known From The Beginning

It all started when we were in 7th grade, he would turn around every home room and we'd talk about anything really mostly wrestling and many more things but at that age I never thought he would be the one to break my heart to the point where I don't feel alive. Towards the ending of the year, I knew we were going to be best friends. The following year, we weren't in the same class but we did speak a lot. One day I got into an argument with my mother and when I got to school I wanted to break down and cry, the second I turned around.... He was there and I fell into his arms, he spun around so no one could see me cry and held me until I was ready. From that moment I knew he was special, and that I was lucky to have met him. I thought he was the best friend in the world. As the years passed we went to separate high schools but he would always be on my mind, we spoke constant and never gave each other the cold shoulder. We never fought, and agreed on most of the things. We got along really well, everything was great. We always had fun together, he was my Best Friend, and I was his Best Friend. As high school passed he was in a serious relationship for a while, he would always get angry with me randomly. His mood would always change with me, he'd be the nicest person in the world until finally he was the meanest on earth. I never understood why he treated me the way he did. As we grew up, we both realized people do fight and its natural to have an altercation with your best friend. What I didn't understand was when he'd push me away, and ignore me. At first I thought fine, he's a guy and maybe he's tired of the girl and guy thing its cool we're still best friends he just needs space. Then he had a new best friend, but I had two best friends, a girl that was with me since High School and he was my Guy Best Friend who I secretly wanted to marry. But anyways It wasn't until we weren't talking at all that I finally got the courage to ask him why was he being mean to me, what was going on. My feelings at that point were confused I didn't know how to react to his answer but he told me he had feelings for me, so he thought by pushing me away he'd see me as a great Best Friend than a beautiful best friend whom he fell for. I couldn't believe it but we stood as just friends. The years passed and it was a Cat and Mouse chase. He'd like me, while I didn't like him then when I liked him he didn't want anything with me, back and forth throughout the months. I fell for him since 7th grade. We are both known for BAD TIMING. It was just never the RIGHT time for us to be together many things would get in the way. Until this year, I was dating a guy I've been with on and off for years now, when he found out that I was taken he told me he got sick to the stomach, knowing I wasn't there broke him. I guess he needed a reality check to know I'm not always going to be there. He was my best friend but when I was fooling around with someone he never took it serious, until finally I told him I had a Boyfriend. I've been by his side as his Best Friend for years now and I've seen him with girls, I know he cheated on many girls after the first girl he fell in love with cheated on him. But anyways, I wanted to know how he felt while I was taken and he simply said fine. I broke up with the guy and he came clean about everything but in a harsh way, he was fighting about things then told me "You just don't get it, I Love You and you don't care" If only he knew I cared since the moment he first held me...... I then told him I was in love with him as well. The only problem here was, he had a girlfriend and he was In LOVE with her as well. It was tough, and we made the decision that if we are meant to be in the future it will happen. I couldn't take it knowing how we both felt I wanted to do something about it all. So I didn't find it fair that me and him started changing towards each other, I'm pretty sure our phone calls got awkward once we'd hang up because every time before when we were younger we'd say Bye I Love You, Bye I Love You Too <3 and we'd hang up, but this time when we said it we knew it wasn't the kind of love we spoke about before. Things got weird quick, he wouldn't respond to me by texts as much as before. Our conversations became short and quick until there was no more left. Our love had slowly died, or it was all a lie to begin with. Things haven't been the same, he's with his girlfriend and he loves her a lot. Our friendship is there, its just things do change when you're the only one waiting while the other person is taken and in love enjoying their life. We haven't been the same for 5 months so today we spoke naturally like before, then I decided to let him know I get a lot of emotionswhen I talk to him..

He responded saying  He tried not leading me on but he did feel the connection before

So I just asked him to be honest with what he wants, so I can freely move on...

Then he asked to be just be friends.........

I sort of knew since we stopped talking out of the blue, but I guess I just had the burning desire inside of me that didn't want to get with another person scared that maybe I'd mess up the biggest thing that could happen to me.......

Funny how things turn out.....


I Love You B.M
SourLove SourLove
18-21, F
1 Response Aug 11, 2010

Aww this is so sad :( don't worry one day you'll get your happy ending