Here It Goes...So we've been friends for almost 4 years. I think I knew I loved him after the first month of being friends. He was 14 and awkward and not physically attractive in anyway, but I fell in love with his personality, his sense of humor, his beautiful heart. I didn't admit this to myself for another year and we became closer friends. For the next three years we remained friends, but I liked him more and more. He also grew out of his super awkward phase and had a couple girlfriends through the years. It was always really hard seeing him with other girls but I never bothered doing anything about it because I was almost positive that he wasn't interested in me in that way.
It wasn't until this past summer that things started to change. We became closer than we have ever been. This is when we really became "best friends." We hung out every day with our other friends as well and then would continue to text all night. He's really the only person that I have ever been able to talk about certain things with--he literally knows everything about me (and the same goes for him). I was really happy that we were getting so close, not because I even expected it to turn into something romantic, just because he is such a great friend. But he started getting more flirty. He would think of dumb excuses to strike up a conversation on the phone and keep it going when it was clearly over. We were at a sleepover and cuddled all night. We were acting like a couple and our friends started noticing and we both knew that something was different.
Meanwhile I was freaking out because my feelings for him hadn't changed, and this was the first time it ever seemed like there might be something in return. Well a couple days later he confronted me with the "what are we" question. We both confessed that we had feelings for each other. From there our relationship continued to grow and we acted more and more like a couple. He would tell me that he is always thinking about me, how happy he is etc. (and I would do the same). One night he came over to me and was like "Okay I know this is going to sound ridiculous, but I can't stop thinking about it so I'm telling you. One of the reasons that I like you so much is because I think I could have an amazing life with you." And he continually said really sweet things like that and we would talk about being together in the future.
I was definitely under the impression that we were going to at least date or something because we talked about it all of the time--and like I said before, we already acted like we were dating. Well around the last week of the summer he said that he thought it would be hard to start a relationship now because we were about to start senior year at different schools. But honestly, it wouldn't have been that hard, we live 25 minutes apart. There's nothing I could really say because he obviously just wasn't interested anymore.
It's so much worse now because we don't really even talk anymore. We see each other every once in a while and make casual conversation. But it's crazy talking about school work with someone that knows everything about me and probably knows exactly what I'm thinking. He was my best friend and now we don't even act like real friends. I miss him so much. I think it was better thinking that nothing was ever going to happen. I had accepted it. I would happily take that back. Sure, I would have loved to be something more, but I just want him to be in my life. The worst part is I used to go to him when I had a problem, so now I have to go to random internet people. If you got this far, I greatly appreciate it! (Also please don't take offense in my calling you "random internet people"). Thank you for listening!
PS. I didn't really post this in the hopes of getting solid advice, but more to just tell someone since I can't go to my best friend to talk to. Sometimes I wish I could just go off about how amazing he is, so if you're in a similar situation, tell me about him/her:)