Missing The Way Things Used To Be

Before things fell apart we were happy together. I loved his touch.. His smell.. The kisses he planted on my lips, cheeks, and forehead.. He was "the one." I was sure we'd be destined to be together, get married, and start our own family with chubby bundles of joy.

Unfortunately, our viewpoints clashed more often than not and we started having serious arguments once a month. This led to a heated impulsive breakup at the beginning or end of a change of season. Not healthy. Depressing actually that we both cared so much for one another but didn't pick our battles we wanted to win more wisely. I believe everything happens for a reason but what is the purpose for this? This just makes me wish the earth could swallow me up whole. I do not want to be with anyone else but him. My words or actions may be things said or done out of anger and these I deeply regret. My biggest regret is telling him I hate him when I really don't. After speaking to him I realized I don't even dislike him.. I really just disliked our situation. I wish I could turn back the hands of time and let him win this battle. As you wish, N. :) my battle scars are internally bleeding and my eyes are externally a waterworks show.

I'll miss him more than he can ever imagine. I now realize what he meant when he'd tell me I mean the world to him. He means the world to me too.. He has a great heart and I'm already jealous of the next girl hell get to fall in love with him. She won't let him go.. :(

Tears are streaming down my face but I must try to sleep.. This is only Night #3.. My favorite number is clouded with tears. Why does the pain only get worse? I feel sick to my stomach again.. Until tomorrow, goodnight all.
RoPo88 RoPo88
May 13, 2012