Missing The Way Things Used To Be Pt 2

I cried all the way to work today.. The longest 1.5 hours of my life. I think all the way to work, this is what he WANTS. No one has forced him with a gun or any other means of force for him to do anything he doesn't WANT to do. I breathe and realize this is not an overnight decision, this is built up over time. I'm sure he's thought of calling it quits at least a handful of times before. Maybe he is tired of me and needs a change..Maybe he's afraid of a future with me since I have a culturally blended extended family which his family (particularly strict father) wouldn't approve of. Maybe its just plain ole me, he could love me but no longer be in love with me. Sparks are gone.. It's so ironic because I didn't ask him too long ago "Do you think we'll always be this way?" (Referring to the cutesie moments and lovey dovey feelings).. and his reaction was positive because of our chemistry..Looks like this lab set just burnt down. I must've accidentally left that Bunsen burner on full blast cause I'm burnt now. He'd probably consider all this as me overreacting and making something small into something huge, but I like to think our 10+ years of friendship and 3+ years of relationship as something HUGE in my life. Sadly, I'm afraid this is the end forever..I've also been sending these stories to his e-mail account, but as this will be my last one for the time being, this will also be the last one he receives from me. No more pathetic e-mails from the ex girlfriend. As much as I'm hurt I'm very glad I had the chance to truly love someone and have that feeling reciprocated even if for a short period of time. There are people who are married for decades and end up getting divorced. I've never been engaged, married, or divorced but I need to find someone in real life to talk to since he was the best friend I no longer have. Many thanks to this site for keeping me partially sane. You guys did your job. :)

"Somebody That I Used to Know" by Gotye is my song right now..
RoPo88 RoPo88
May 14, 2012