It Won't Go Away

I met Trevor one drunken night and we spent the whole night together. He took care of me and we watched movies and everything. The next morning he was gone and I wondered if it was a dream. I found him on Facebook and we started talking right away. Everyday we would text and talk and everything I learned about him made me like him more. I'm always that girl that likes the hot guys with muscles but this was different he was cute and a little chubby and I still couldn't stop thinking bout him. He's brilliant too. He's almost done with school to get his PhD in physics. He loves star wars and things like that and rattles on and on about dark matter and things that I don't even understand but I love it . We had often joked about dating and he always said maybe one day. So after talking for a year and a half I decided to tell him how crazy I am about him. So I called him (because I'm in Nebraska and he's in DC) on his birthday and said "Trevor happy birthday. I have something to tell u and have to do it now before I go crazy. I love you. I love you so much it hurts. Every time I wake up I think about u and when I go to bed you're the last thing I think about. I want to be with you more than I've ever wanted to be with anyone. Please tell me you feel the same way." after a few moments of silence he said that he was sorry but just saw me as a friend. I wanted to cry. So we hung up and then I texted him and said sorry just pretend I didn't say that. He replied ok and we didn't talk for a few months. Now we have been talkin again for about a year and he seems to be the one texting me and starting the conversations. Part of me thinks it's just because he wants sex (he's a virgin and I said I'd sleep with him if he wanted some experience) but he doesn't seem like that type of guy. He doesn't really ever make comments about it just friendly conversation is all we ever have. So now I'm wondering maybe is he starting to think of me as more than a friend or what? I just don't know where his head is anymore and part of me wants to ask but idk how. I truly think Trevor is the guy I could marry and spend the rest of my life with but I don't know if he still thinks that I'm just a friend and will never be anything more
Kayla215 Kayla215
1 Response Jun 10, 2012

I think he just took his time to get his head around what was happening...this man is an academic and is totally focused on his research/PhD right now. What I think happened is he got a fright when you sent him his Birthday message and didn’t know how to react to it.....I get the feeling he's sort of socially awkward with things like love, emotions, sex...he's a Physics man after all and these are not quantifiable.<br />
Now that he is coming to the end of his PhD he is secretly smiling to himself that OMG someone is interested and in love with in a nerd like me!!!! Sweetie he’s interested in you he just has no idea how to react to this new state of flux in his life, pun intended!!!<br />
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PS I have also completed a PhD and I do know where he’s possibly coming from, mentally as it really becomes your life and consumes you for so many years so much so that you cannot afford any distractions, be it love, online sites or whatever it is. You really have to live like a hermit during this time ..........please be patient my dear but also be supportive of his academic achievements! He's worth it! xxx