I Fell In Love With Her From The Moment We First Met

It's a long story and I rarely write, but I thank you for taking the time in reading this. I just wanted to get this off my chest somewhere and anonymity on the internet is a joy to have these days.

Our friendship started many years ago. She was a friend of of a friend, but I felt a pull to her though from our very first meeting. I didn't know what it was at the time but I knew she had to be in my life one way or another and she admitted to me later that she did too. We were both dating other people at the time and she became my roommate. I have never cheated on anyone any girl I've been with and to this day have I nor will I ever break that rule. We grew really close during that time as roommates and became best friends. Eventually she did moved out and out of state to go to school for her future career. I still had feelings for her but never acted because I did love my current girlfriend. Eventually though things went sour with my girl with her cheating on me. I felt like I was torn to pieces and I fell pretty hard and was lost and alone. I slowly picked myself up

I kept in touch with my best friend though letters(Cell phones were hard to come by at the time) and even attended her graduation in that other state with her parents and her boyfriend now fiance. On their wedding day, she had me give her away at her wedding and not her father(Her father was ok with it). I still felt that pull but I put it aside because this guy made her happy and that's what I wanted most. With her in a relationship I kept my space, because I didn't want her to be confused because of my own feelings. I became her big brother. I decided that I would never be more and moved continued to find someone.

We were states apart so I started dating here and there, and eventually fell in love once again with another and we eventually married later on. I still kept in touch with my best friend though all the years. My wife had some problems at first with her being my friend because I guess it was uncommon for her to see a guy and girl be so close and not have some past history.

My friend eventually divorced the guy and and went through some troubles herself but she picked herself up and moved on. I myself stayed married and was happy. Yes I was very deeply in love my wife while still deeply in love with my best friend. Me and my wife even visited my friend in her state and they became close. After a couple of years though my own divorce happened due to her cheating(strange how mine always end with the one rule I cannot break).

Now we reach the present. I'm single with my divorce happening half a year ago and she is single just dumping her current boyfriend a few weeks ago. My feelings for her never changed I if not only continued to grow stronger. We now text everyday for hours on end, laughing and joking and enjoying each others company. My own stubbornness keeps me at bay because I don't want to scare her away.

Another of her friends who like me kept his distance due her being in a relationship decided to text her how he felt about her before moving out of her state and to the other side of the country. They talk and she is now beginning to like. Don't get me wrong, the guy is a great guy and if she is happy then I will step aside once again and do I can to help them out. Though, I was originally planning on telling her how I felt when I visited her next year. The reason I was waiting is because I'm an old fashioned kind of guy, If I'm going to express my feelings I do it in person and not over the phone or text message. Technology was my downfall so he beat me to the punch and I now I beat myself up over it. However with the new guy in the picture I just don't know if I can go through with it though I may gauge how they are doing at the time since long distance relationships don't seem to work very often and go from there.

According to her parents I mean the world to her and to her family as well, but I feel that the time we spent brought me to close that she can never see me as nothing more as a part of her family. My love for her is what keeps me close and I cannot simply give her an ultimatum and force an answer out of her and walk away if the answer isn't what I want to hear. She is the answer to the equation that is my life and I want her in it no matter what, but I can't rid myself of my feelings for her and I will continue to be her best friend regardless but ache to hold her, kiss her, make her happy may never change even if I do find another.

I still may tell her during my visit and let her know that no matter the answer she gives that I will always be there for her and continue to be her best friend. Anyone from the outside looking in can see my feelings for her and she might too and is merely trying to spare my feelings or takes them as friendly gestures and remarks and does not see it. Hopefully soon I will have that answer.

TL:DR

I've been brother-zoned

Edit: Update #1 is located in the responses
MyLastValentine MyLastValentine
26-30, M
3 Responses Sep 20, 2012

Update

Well I've told her about my feelings. Turns out it was my own fault a got put so far into the friendzone/brotherzone. She was actually trying to get with me when we first were around each other. But due to me being in a relationship, I subconsciously turned her away.

But I saw her a few weeks ago and told her how I felt(she actually came to visit me). It was great to have company for the first time in years. It was extremely awkward for us. We never did get past kissing each other on a few different occasions and even then I know it was hard to get used to for the both of us. At one point she commented "How am I suppose to tell everyone... that I'm falling in love with my brother!", we were slowing getting pass the barricades that me and her had build. She was willing to try it at first, but she was also starting to see another guy as well back in her state(don't judge her for her decisions, she makes mistakes but we all do). We hung out a lot while she was visiting and drank and talked, but I had to set her right. She is an extremely gorgeous girl and is naive to relationships sometimes. We both got drunk one night and had a long discussion about the men in her life and how she couldn't drag us all of us further.

So I helped her decide, unfortunately it wasn't me. The things we were looking forward to were different, she does want the same things as me, just not at the moment, Just different pages on the same story. It seems I matured a lot faster due to my career and skipped ahead. She Is my best friend and the closest person in my life. So she didn't pick me(she actually picked the worst possible outcome actually, but he makes her happy so I will not object), while saddening to me as it is. I'm glad I could help her grow up and find what she wants in life.

Her mistakes are her own, but I will always be her best friend and be there for her, but alas I must start looking elsewhere. If there comes a time that me and her are both single, I hope there will be a chance to try. Myself and her truly alike in our personalities, mannerisms, and tastes.

In my times. I have never found that "perfect somebody" if they even exist, only "close enough". And while she was definitely the closest to me it just wasn't meant to be for now. The next person may not be as much as me, but if I can find that one girl that makes me shine. I will love her with everything I have and give my life to make her happy, to never do anything to betray her trust me in.There is always someone better, but that doesn't mean for everyone to ogle, cheat and lie. If you really love with your heart, no other person can break it but you two.

So my final advice to those who have fallen for their best friends or whatever it's this:

Opposites attract, similars bond.

Don't be afraid of loving them and tell them how you feel. But no matter how much it hurts if you get rejected. You are their friend to them first and you shouldn't just disappear from their life.\


(if there are any changes, I'll be happy to post them and let everyone know how things turn out)

tell her .. :)

You should definitely tell her! I just finally after ten years got a bit of liquid courage to fess up to my feelings for my best friend and he actually told me how in love with me he's always been!! We've always been so close and close to each others significant others all this time and now I realize he is the most perfect man in the world for me and I could never love someone more!! I think it maybe the same. I think that nothing will feel right until you do tell her. Trust me, it's so worth the risk.