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Worth a Try.

Really, I don't know why I'm doing this.  Maybe it's because I really have no one else to talk to about it.  I guess resorting to random people isn't really a good idea, but hey, it's worth a try.

 

I've been friends with her for about three years now.  We've gotten to know each other really well, and obviously we became best friends.  We connected like most best friends do.  In the beginning I wasn't too attracted to her.  I thought she was cute, but wasn't someone who I would go after.  Plus, I was coming off from a relationship, so rebounding wasn't really my thing.  We started talking on AIM about random things, getting to know each other.  Seeing each other in school, this was sophomore year.  We finally got to talking on the phone, and our first conversation lasted until 4 AM.  That was really the mark of us becoming best friends.  Laughing, talking, being dorks; how best friends act with each other.  We started talking about relationships one night, and she told me that she liked being single, she liked flirting.  As friends, yeah we flirted a lot, but I never thought anything of it.  In time she started to turn into something like a sister.

One night she told me that she started to grow feelings for me, and I told her that I didn't have anything back.  We were just friends.  She accepted it, but I guess I was too stubborn to see that I was growing feelings for her too, I just didn't realize it.  As time went on, she'd talk about other guys and I would grow jealous.  I didn't understand why until it hit me that I did have feelings for her.  Junior year was my time to realize it.  We talked about it, and decided that the friendship was too important to risk.  We both accepted that, understood that.

Senior year came around, and my feelings kept growing stronger.  April came by, and it all broke out.  I spilled everything.  I told her my feelings were way too strong to just keep it at bay.  People already thought we were dating when they saw us together.  I t was like we were unofficially dating, but just best friends.  It was complicated.

She told me she wasn't ready for such a committed relationship, and I understood that.  We're only eighteen.  Our whole lives are ahead of us.  I told her I would wait, wait until she was ready for something like this.  During this course, I did fall for her.  And I really felt like I was pressuring her each time to be ready.  This whole thing has gotten in the way of our friendship.  I know that if anything happened I'd always want us to be best friends.  That's really what's important to me, but every time I see her.. it's breathtaking. 

Though now, everything is pretty much shattered.  Someone has come back in her life.  Someone who she has had history with.  They've had feelings for each other since the seventh grade, but they didn't do anything about it.  They stopped talking for sophomore and junior year, and automatically comes back senior year.  The feelings returned for him, and it kind of hurts.  I feel like since they're talking now and hanging out, I'm just the best friend now.  There's no more, when I'm ready I'll tell you, it's just best friends now.  I've let myself over think everything way too much, and I've let it get in the way of our friendship.  I want her to be happy, but is it selfish that I want to be the one to make her happy? 

With the other guy, it would be care-free, with me it would be intense and serious.  A girl this age wants something care-free.  She has strong feelings for him, but she doesn't want to tell him.  He's held her hand, kissed her on the cheek.. but yet she's too naive to see that he just might have feelings for her.  He's invited her to go to the beach with him sometime this summer.  It just hurts to know that I'm pushed to the side now.  I'm not going to be the jackass that tells her to choose, but I wish I would know the answer.

Her mom and I are pretty close as well.  We talk a lot, and she knows right away when something is wrong with me.  I should focus on just being friends, but it hurts.  I can't bring it up with her anymore because it would lead to an argument, crying, and I'm already pushing her away because of it. 

I still want to wait for her, I love her.  I just don't know if she wants me to, if she even thinks of me in that way anymore.  She told me she was falling in love with me, but now I don' know anymore.  It's all just so confusing and I'm always thinking about it, about her.  I don't know what to do anymore..

JetWii JetWii 18-21 24 Responses Jul 21, 2008

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I am so sorry. I am going through a very similar situation. Me nd this boy have been talking for the last five months. We had a lot of the same classes and what first started out as texting for homework turned into nine hour Skype calls. We had this instant connection and I, being a very flirtatious person, began to develop another aspect to our friendship. we began flirting all of the time but i still didn't look sat him as anything more than a best friend. I knew he started liking me but i didn't know how deep he was into it until he said the word i love you. that hit me hard. At first i was scared away but how deep and passionate he was about me because i am used to being the girl in the relationship that likes the guy way more than the guy likes me. But with him he actually made me feel beautiful. I started noticing little things he did and how he acted around his family and his views on life and i started to realize i really liked him too. But i was scared i only liked him for the attention so i didn't want to tell him anything yet. Then, one night at a friends house, we were cuddling on the couch and everything just felt right like he wold hold my hand and tell me i was beautiful and everything clicked and that was when i really started falling in love. but then one night i went out and did something stupid because i was hurting and ended up hurting him. But the funny thing was that after i did something stupid i realize how much i truly did and still do love him so i told him everything how much i love him and how much i want him to be my one and only because he is the only one who gets me and treats me as i should be treated bt it was too late. he found another girl. She is sweet and funny and beautiful and simple and everything I'm not. We still have moments where it seems like he loves me again but i don't know if we will ever be the same. I just hope his thing with this other girl end soon

I hope everything worked out for you seining its been 6 years now

I think she loves you but dosent want to loose you. Maybe somebody told her to date that guy to take her mind off of you, and hope that things will go bak to the way they were.?

I'm in the same position. I'm in love with my best friend, whom I have dated before, but is now with another girl. I thought I was over it, but I'm not. Part of me feels like we have unfinished business, but that may just be false hope. Besides, I don't wanna be a homewrecker. I think the best that we could do is to just go with the flow. She's with someone else, and you've got to just wait and see what happens with her relationship with him. I live by "If it's meant to be, then it will happen." It might hurt, but we've got to just try and move forward.

It's gonna be hard but you gotta let it go and find love somewhere else. I know it seems harsh to say but this comes from my own personal experience. I was pretty much in the same situation. For I while I thought that no one else would be able to fill the emptiness that I felt afterward, but luckily I found someone else that completely overshadowed my previous feelings. It's takes some time but you're young there will be others.

By the way I forgot to mention, both of us are still really good friends.

Same I'm in love with my best friend and he's In love with my best friend she likes him.. U wonder what will hppen next. But all I'm doing it pushing him away

I love my best friend too but i still have a boyfriend that i love so much...i want to try to know how it feels like to love my bestfriend but i guess its too late...he asked me two times if he could court me but i said no because our friendship is whey more precious...i love him still but i dont know if i shud give this feeling a chance...i love my boyfriend but i love him too im torn between my bestfriend & bf...oh God i wish i'd make a right decision..

This is a late reply (very late), but I want to post it so others may learn. I was in a similar scenario, but I was the best friend. I can see why it's hard to be decisive about this, but it is very frustrating for the other two. You have to take some time for yourself and think about what/who you want. Just because your friend is a friend, and your boyfriend is your boyfriend, don't feel like you owe them anything or that they should stay that way. You are what matters and what is important, and you do not need anyone to be your best self possible. With that realized, you should start to better understand what you want. Do not feel pressured to make any decisions. If these two care about your and you explain to them that you are confused, then they will understand and give you your needed space but still be there for you. And one more thing that might help, who leaves you with a void that only the other can fill?

im sorry you are in this situation man. dont pressure her into a relationship though. trust me if you are always there for her she will come around. just msg me if you want to talk things out, i know what your feeling......

She wants you.....

:(

Sounds like a real predicament. Should you stay or should you go now? Hmm. I can tell you from PERSONAL EXPERIENCES the wait is worth it if IT ever happens. How nuch of your life are you willing to put on hold for WHAT IF?

Sigh.. Going through something similar. Though at 25, you feel a little more mature about things, yet, coming from an Asian background, there is the pressure to hope it clicks quickly.<br />
<br />
Added to this the "advice" meted out by (well-meaning) friends, which range from "Don't ruin it" to "Man up and tell her, you might lost the friendship, so what? You will at least force her to choose, and then in the worst case scenario, you can push the whole thing into the past."

She seemed to be still young and not sure of what she wants. At that time she's waiting to find out her own identity, who and what she wants/looking for.<br />
It's possible she enjoys playing hard to get as well. I can tell that your feelings towards her are real and deep.. mostly because how you mentioned you weren't really attracted to her at first, not being your type and all. So it was her personality that drew you in. & that's the way it should be. I hope, for you sake.. that she came around. I'd love to hear how things are between you today.

I can pertty much relate to this. But in my case, I am the girl waiting for the guy. He has a girlfriend now, and I am left in the premise.<br />
<br />
I don't know if waiting is right, but that's exactly what I'm doing right now. :(

This may sound wrong, but seriously dont wait.
I waited.
I watched the guy go through so many girlfriends. All of them hated me, but I was still there for him, even through the most psychotic ones.
Everyone knew I loved him. I was in love with him for bout 5 yrs. And lost it all.
I told him jokingly one day that I loved him, but I never sat down with him &amp; said that I wanted to be with him.
Dont wait, tell him. Dont regret it &amp; wonder 'what if'.

I really think you should just take the risk of loosing a friend rather than loosing someone who could be the one soul mate or lover for you. If I were you I would take the risk.

i am on the same situation too, well almost exactly, but the difference is we are friends online...we kept seeing each other..i know we have mutual understandings but nobody wants to break the silence...it's hard to keep your feelings from someone you liked the most...<br />
hope you'll have a happy ending on both of you...

im exactly in this situation right now... and really it hurts... for now, am trying to be the best friend only bt by limiting contact with her... she gets angry at times because of this bt i guess i should not interfere.. like u said let her be happy with her guy :/<br />
~

Okay so... as far as I understand it, she was falling for you until the other guy came into the picture right? And now, you're pushed off to the side because of him... You said she was your best friend.. so have you talked to her about this? How you feel? <br />
<br />
Maybe it would be more carefree with him, but to me... I feel like in the end, everyone should have someone that wants them just as much as they want the person. In this case, it seems as if you have stronger feelings for her... the way you talk about her, I can't even imagine you having feelings for another girl, but it seems as if she can easily have feelings for another guy. That's not fair to you at all. You deserve a girl that loves you just as much as you love her. Yeah, she's your best friend, but through your love for her, don't forget to love yourself and remember what you deserve, kay? <br />
<br />
It's not selfish to want to be the one to make her happy. I admire you for the way you've handled this situation and I truly hope that everything works out for you. I'm totally rooting for you... keep us posted =)

Hi<br />
Hang in there. I met my husband and soul mate when he was dating my room-mate. I told her she was crazy if she did not marry him. She broke up with him and I lived with her for seven years more. She got married and I moved with my dog to a little place close to the town he lived in. Actually before they broke up I told him about a cute little cottage I had heard about. Shortly after I moved and after I had said a prayer to God and asked him to bring me the man he wanted me to marry the phone rang and it was my husband. To make a very long story short we made a date for New Years Eve. When he came down the path my little dog did not bark (he always barked at everyone) and when I opened the door the man I was to marry was surrounded in a white Ora. I had never seen one before. I walked out in to the Ora and that night New Years we were engaged. We had not seen each other in 7 years. Yes it was our first date and we were married nine months later in a beautiful white wedding. I am no Angel but we did wait until we were married. Love comes along when you least expect it. We were married 25 years and we were blessed with twins. My best friend and husband went to be with God and I ask you don't be sad for me. Some people never have what the Lord honored me with. He was there all the time. You see your life can change in a bl<x>ink of an eye. Some times we try to steer our own lives. I have learned to wait on the Lord. If this girl is the right girl you will meet her again. While you are waiting fulfill your other wants and needs. Love yourself and love others. Be patient, you never know what is around the corner. I have to tell you my husband did move in to the cottage I told him about and thats where we lived in the first years of our marriage. I have no doubt it was all meant to be.<br />
<br />
Baba<br />
Bless You

i think it is nigh in impossible to maintain a platonic relationship to be honest. either one or both at some time will want more. your story is commom i am afraid. you are young, in another 5 years you will have moved on to another sphere in life. you obviously have some maturity but life teaches us that sexual attraction is lifes big con trick.nature did not intend for man and woman to be friends , only lovers. that is why at some point the platonic often turns to longing. you need to cut it out now, keep your distance. move on now , if this relationship is meant to be it will unfold naturally in its own good time. you need time and space to reflect , you are too bound up in emotion.

Why do things like this happen? I have no idea but its not fair on you, its really not. When I first started reading it I never expected it to end like that, it made me feel so sad. Just from reading this I understand how close you two were and the fact that she said she was falling in love with you and everything and now suddenly all that has changed seeing as there is the new guy on the scene, its a bit confusing really. The first thing I want to say is that you two didn't turn your friendship into a relationship when you had the chance, and its because your friendship means so much to you and you were scared that if it didn't work out then your friendship would never be the same right? Well that's where you went wrong. In life you have to take risks and that's the risk neither of you took. Ive been in that situation before, where I had the chance to take the risk with my best friend, out friendship meant the world to me and it really was so special and rare but everything happens for a reason and I thought to myself... 'why have we been given this chance, why did he finally tell me he had feelings for me and after all these months I finally admit it to him, I never imagined that he would feel the same way back and that's why I didn't say nothing but I was so wrong, I have to take this risk.' So I took it, he asked me out and I said yeah and we made a promise to each other that no matter what happens, if we ever break up we will still be friends, and to be honest that was the best decision of my life, I am the happiest I have ever been and he was the missing piece in my life and dude you need to let this girl know how you feel, your not trying hard enough and you cant let her go, she is the one, its meant to be, I know it. All I want is to help people and I love hearing happy love stories, so please make her realise that its you she loves and get back to me as soon as possible, good luck and all my love.

Wow I'm blown away. This story you've written here is mature in tone and not jealous or selfish. Impressive, sorry about your dilemma.

same here. same here.<br />
cant stop thinkin bout her, tough theres no other guy in her life.<br />
we were in love, now she just wants me as a best friends, and it hurts a lot, i dont think if i could go trough it, i asked her for time. but will she re-consider it :/<br />
no matter how many letters i write, i dont think she'll come back into my arms, i want her as a bestie, and a lover

This reminds me a lot of what I'm going through