I Fell In Love.

Five years ago, I went to my high school for the first time for a music camp. I was joining the band, and so my parents thought this would be a good way for me to meet new people and gain some friends. I was going to a private school for the first time, when I had been going to public my entire life. I was nervous. I didn't know anyone, I had almost no self-confidence, and I was an awkward freshman.

Later that afternoon, I got into my mom's car, and the first words out of my mouth were "I met a boy who plays violin."

From the moment we met I knew that there was something incredibly special about this boy, who, for the sake of confidentiality, I will refer to as Patrick. Patrick and I quickly became inseparable. We were in many of the same classes, we had the same interests, we had the same friends...it was your classic friendship really. Glued at the hips. I found myself falling for him more and more each day, and I shrugged it off as puppy love, the immature sort of infatuation that most fourteen year old girls find themselves suffering from. We went to the freshman semi-formal together after a heart-wrenching invitation from me in the form of a note tucked into the pocket of his blazer. He screamed at me down the hallway that I had made things awkward since our friend had asked him the same day, but in the end we laughed it off and went together.

For four years we grew closer and closer. People questioned our relationship, always asking if we were together, both of us vehemently denying our feelings for each other. At times, the pressure would mount to something almost uncontrollable, and we would fight. He pointed out my predisposition to depression. I pointed out his inability to function well in a large social circle. We would pick at each other, hurt each other, drive each other to tears, but for some reason, we kept falling back.

I don't know if I was (and still am) some sort of pathetic little puppy, drunk on the idea of love, desperate for his affection, but what I do know is that what I feel is incredibly real.

In April, we had the worst fight of our friendship. All communication was cut. I tried to convince one of our friends to stop speaking to him. I told anyone who would listen about how he had betrayed me, how he had said something so hurtful that I wasn't even able to look at him without wanting to cry. I turned into the sort of person that both of us loathed.

We didn't speak for almost five months. And then in September, he sent me a message on facebook. He talked about how hurt he had been, about how his motives for what he had done were skewed, about how much he missed me. He admitted his wrongdoings, and demanded that I admit my own. Eventually, we talked about how both of us had done wrong, about how much we truly missed each other. College was dull, empty without the presence of the other. I was in a relationship that I wasn't completely invested in. He was more lonely than ever. He confessed to me that he loved me. I confessed to him that I did too.

Then this Wednesday, we finally saw each other again. We spent the night at our old highschool, watching the Thanksgiving football game as was traditional for the freshly graduated senior class to return and do. We easily fell into the flow that we had built up over five years of friendship, laughing and smiling as if nothing had ever gone wrong. Our mutual friend and confidante took me aside and said that we had never looked more in love. I couldn't help but agree. I had never felt more love than in those moments. I felt like I was overflowing with joy.

We did horrible things to each other. We hurt each other so badly, and yet, we couldn't remain angry. I have broken longer friendships for less than what had happened to us, and yet, he texted me yesterday.

Neither of us are sure where our friendship will go. Whether we will develop a less than platonic relationship down the line is unknown. But what is known is that we love each other dearly, enough that we can forgive each other for almost anything.

I would be lost without him, and I am eternally grateful that we were able to repair the damage done.

If he ever reads this, I hope he knows that I love him more than anything else in this world, and that as long as I have him in my life, I am capable of immeasurable happiness. He is my best friend. The peanut butter to my jelly, the Holmes to my Watson, any number of cheesy, inseparable pairings you can come up with. He completes me in a way that I didn't think was possible, from finishing my sentences to knowing exactly what to say when I can't even properly describe my emotions to him. He always knows when I need a hug, or a sharp comment to snap me back to reality. I was completely lost without him, and I am so grateful to have him back in my life.
tofindapurpose tofindapurpose
18-21, F
1 Response Nov 25, 2012

lucky u two..